“I break for coffee” (bumper sticker)
"I break for coffee" is a jocular bumper sticker saying that has been printed on many images. It's a joke on the "coffee break." "WARNING! I BREAK FOR COFFEE"…
Food/Drink
“I broke up with my gym. We were not working out”
"I broke up with my gym; we were just not working out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on T-shirts. "I broke up with my Gym, we were not working out" was cited on…
“I brought a home pregnancy kit. Turns out my house is pregnant”
A "home pregnancy test" is a pregnancy test done at home. It is not a test to see if a home is pregnant, but there are jokes. "I see home pregnancy tests advertised, but I've…
“I build yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof”
"Sales/Profits are going through the roof” is an expression meaning that a business is generating a lot of money. One pun on "sales"/"sails" is: "I started a…
“I burn about 2000 calories every time I put on fitted sheets by myself”
"I burn about 2000 calories every time I put on fitted sheets by myself" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Putting a itted sheet on a bed can be a challenge.…
“I burnt my Hawaiian pizza. I should’ve put it on aloha setting”
A popular Hawaiian pizza pun is: "I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night... I should've put it on aloha setting." That is, "a lower" oven temperature setting. "I just…
“I buy fresh vegetables every day. I feed them to my pig and he converts them into bacon”
"I buy/pick fresh vegetables every day. I feed them to my pig and he converts them into bacon" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "HEALTHY EATING #36 I BUY…
“I buy store brand Spanish rice, not name brands. As they say, ‘Arroz by any other name…’”
"Arroz" (the Spanish word for "rice") can sound like "a "rose." "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" is a famous line from William…
“I call bravo sierra” (“I call bullshit”)
"Bravo sierra" means, using the phonetic alphabet, the letters "B" and "S," and stands for the words "bull shit" (or "bullshit"). "I think…
“I call it coffee, but the truth is, it’s a hot cup of fresh brewed tolerance. Now, bring on the nonsense”
A cup of coffee brings calmness and tolerance to many people. "I call it coffee, but the truth is, it's a hot cup of fresh brewed tolerance. Now, bring on the nonsense" (shown on an…
“I call myself terms and conditions because y’all keep ignoring me”
People often ignore reading terms and conditions. "RT @Abbyglasby: Being ignored so much I call myself Terms & Conditions" was posted on Twitter by سارة on October 3, 2012.…
“I called my stockbroker today and asked him, ‘What are you buying?’ He said, ‘Canned goods’”
"Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying? He said, "Canned goods and ammunition'" is a saying that has been printed on several images. That is,…
“I called my wife and told her that I’ll pick up Fish and Chips” (joke)
A joke about "picking up fish and chips" has the food item as proper names. "I phoned my wife. 'Do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?' I think she still…
“I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn…” (joke)
A group of crows is a "murder." "There was a murder on my front lawn this afternoon. Fortunately, it was just a lot of crows" was posted on Twitter by Glenn Peters on December…
“I called the restaurant and I asked them if they take orders…” (joke)
"I called the restaurant and I asked them if they take orders, when they said they do, I told them 'run outside naked!'" is a jocular line that has been popular on Twitter. The…
“I called the Tinnitus hotline earlier, but it just kept ringing”
Tinnitus is a disease that is ringing sound in one's ears. A pun was posted on Twitter by Graham Perry on October 25, 2009: "I called the tinnitus hotline but it just kept ringing."…
“I came from a tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant, I sat down and had broken leg of lamb”
"I came from a tough neighborhood," American stand-up comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) used to say. "In the local restaurant, I sat down and had broken leg of lamb."…
“I came from a tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars”
New York-born actor, film director and comedian Woody Allen said in his comedy act in the 1960s: "I was the sensitive kid, poet. There were tough kids in my class, there was a kid in my class…
“I came here to drink and fuck and I’m almost done drinking”
"I came here to drink and fuck and I'm about/almost/also done drinking" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "just released 'I came here to drink and fuck and…
“I came here to drink and fuck and I’m also done drinking”
"I came here to drink and fuck and I'm about/almost/also done drinking" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "just released 'I came here to drink and fuck and…