“I just sprayed fruit scented Febreze in my bathroom. Now it smells like shitrus”
A citrus air freshener sprayed in the bathroom can wind up smelling like "shitrus" (shit + citrus). "Shitrus" was entered in the Urban Dictionary on January 23, 2008.…
Food/Drink
“I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone”
Many people hate mimes. "I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone" was posted on Twitter by Jason Maybe on January 22, 2011. "I just strangled a mime.... With a cordless…
“I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me”
"Airplane mode” for a phone or a computer (or similar electronic device) suspends radio-frequency signal transmission by the device, and was originally intended for safe air travel.…
“I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me”
"Airplane mode” for a phone or a computer (or similar electronic device) suspends radio-frequency signal transmission by the device, and was originally intended for safe air travel.…
“I just totally misunderstood the meaning of ‘Strip Mall’ & could one of you guys send bail money?”
A "strip mall" doesn't have anything to do with "stripping," but there are jokes. "Apparently, I misunderstood the meaning of “strip mall.” Can someone bring me…
“I just wanna be rich enough to throw leftovers away after dinner…”
A joke about leftovers was posted on Twitter by Amish PornStar™ on August 9, 2017: "I just wanna be rich enough to throw leftovers away after dinner instead of putting them in Tupperware and…
“I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink and have music at a normal volume…”
Some people want bars to be more like home. This was posted on Twitter by Katie D on January 21, 2023: "I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink and have music at a normal volume and…
“I just want to drink coffee, create stuff and sleep”
"I just want to drink coffee, create stuff and sleep" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been popular with artists and writers. "'I Just…
“I just want to have enough money that I don’t slow down to look at furniture left on the curb”
Many people leave unwanted items by the side of the road, hoping someone will take them. "I just want to have enough money that I don’t slow down to look at furniture left on the curb"…
“I just want to travel, take pictures, drink coffee and be happy”
"I just want to travel, take pictures, drink coffee and be happy" is a saying that has been printed on many images "I just want to travel and listen to music and drink coffee and…
“I just want to: take photos, drink coffee, travel the world, meet new people, be happy”
"I just want to travel, take pictures, drink coffee and be happy" is a saying that has been printed on many images "I just want to travel and listen to music and drink coffee and…
“I just witnessed a lady throw away the center of a cinnamon roll…”
A comment about cinnamon rolls was posted on Twitter by tanner olson and went viral (over 118,500 likes): "I JUST WITNESSED A LADY THROW AWAY THE CENTER OF A CINNAMON ROLL.THE CENTER OF A…
“I just won a reward for most secretive person in the office” (joke)
"I've just won the 'Most secretive person 2013' award. I can't tell you how much it means to me. #sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia Official on July 11,…
“I just yelled into a colander and strained my voice”
A colander is a kitchen utensil used to strain foods. "I just yelled into a colander and strained my voice" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "I just yelled into a…
“I keep asking what LGBTQ stands for, but I never get a straight answer”
Many people are confused by initials such as "LGBT" and "LGBTQ." A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on January 28, 2019: "Every time I ask someone what the acronym LGBTQ…
“I keep hitting the space bar, but I’m still on Earth”
"I keep hitting/pressing the space bar, but I'm still on earth" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "i got a text last night that said 'madison. there…
“I keep imagining I’m holding an invisible pack of cards. No one knows what I’m dealing with”
The expression “to deal with” usually doesn’t involve playing cards, but there are jokes. "I keep imagining I'm holding an invisible pack of cards. No one knows what I'm…
“I keep my hot sauce in the refrigerator. Now it’s just sauce”
"Hot sauce" is sometimes stored in the refrigerator and, yes, it is still "hot" (spicy). However, many people still wonder about the process. "If you put hot sauce in the…
“I keep pre cooked bacon in my fridge that I call ‘Hurricane Bacon’...”
"I keep pre cooked bacon in my fridge that I call 'Hurricane Bacon.' When the Hurricane hits, I put that bacon in my pocket, so if I get buried in a pile of rubble, the search dogs…
“I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth”
"I keep hitting/pressing the space bar, but I'm still on earth" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "i got a text last night that said 'madison. there…