“I just joined the navy out of spite. I’m a petty officer!”
The position of "petty officer" has an obvious joke. "I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite. I’m longing to become a Petty Officer" was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on…
Food/Drink
“I just laugh stuff off cause prison don’t cook the food I like”
"I just laugh stuff off🤣 cause prison don’t cook the food I like" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, if the speaker were to real true thoughts on social…
“I just lost my job as a zookeeper…” (joke)
Zoo signs such as "Do not feed the animals" are for the public and not for zoo staff, but there are jokes. "I was always one to follow the rules...at the zoo the sign said don't…
“I just made my hamster a strong coffee. I don’t want him falling asleep at the wheel”
Many people have a coffee before driving to prevent falling asleep at the wheel. A coffee joke transfers this to a hamster wheel. "'@sixthformpoet: I just made my hamster a strong coffee.…
“I just need to see a few more campaign ads and then I think I’ll be ready to make a final decision”
"I just need to see a few more campaign ads and then I think I'll be ready to make a final decision. Said no one ever" is a jocular political saying that has been printed on many…
“I just paid my car registration. The roads will be fixed any day now”
"I just paid my car registration. The roads will be fixed any day now" and "Just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now" are jocular anti-government sayings that…
“I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some serious explaining to do”
"I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some serious explaining to do" is a jocular line -- the joke is that the "drugs" the dealer sold weren't legit -- that has been…
“I just pead on the table” (pea joke)
A person who eats peas often sees at least one pea roll away from the dish onto the dining table. "I've just pead the table!" -- a pun on peeing on the table -- is a popular joke.…
“I just realized I am not a morning person. I’m a coffee person”
"I just realized I am not a morning person. I'm a coffee person" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm not a morning person, I'm just a coffee…
“I just realized the paper towels by the gas pump are for wiping away tears after filling your gas”
The paper towels by a gas pump are for cleaning (such as cleaning a windshield, or wiping oil from a dipstick). However, a popular comment (printed on many images) has it that the paper towels are…
“I just realized why this month is called ‘May.’ It may rain, it may snow…”
"THERE seems to be a particular reason why the month of May should be marked with floods, unless it be the old rule that the month is so called because it may rain, it may snow, it may freeze,…
“I just received a ‘Save the Date’ card. I didn’t even know they were an endangered fruit”
"'Save the date!' It turns out that this admonition is not, as might reasonably be supposed, a charity solicitation on behalf of an endangered fruit" was printed in the Chicago…
“I just received a ‘Save the Date’ message. I didn’t even know they were an endangered fruit?”
"'Save the date!' It turns out that this admonition is not, as might reasonably be supposed, a charity solicitation on behalf of an endangered fruit" was printed in the Chicago…
“I just rescued some wine. It was trapped in a bottle”
"I just rescued some wine. It was trapped in a bottle" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and ecards. "Just rescued some wine.. it was…
“I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single”
"I just saved a bunch of money (on Valentine's Day) by switching to single" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I just saved a bunch of money on…
“I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook”
“Never talk about religion or politics” is a popular etiquette rule for family gatherings, such as Thanksgiving or Christmas. “Be sure to bring up politics at Thanksgiving this year to save…
“I just saved a ton of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics over Thanksgiving dinner”
“Never talk about religion or politics” is a popular etiquette rule for family gatherings, such as Thanksgiving or Christmas. A jocular saying printed on many images is to do the opposite of…
“I just shoveled 6 inches of global warming off my driveway”
Many people doubt "global warming" after a big or a late snowfall. "I just shoveled X inches of global warming off my driveway/sidewalk" is a popular trope. "Having just…
“I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup. Took the words right out of my mouth”
Alphabet soup has been the subject of many puns. "Just puked up the alphabet soup I ate for dinner. Took the words right out of my mouth" was posted on Twitter on May 22, 2010. "I…
“I just spilled all of the pancake mix on my wife. You could say she’s my batter half”
A pancake joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on September 11, 2024: "I just spilled all of the pancake mix on my wife. You could say she's my batter half." "My batter…