“If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the Lamb of God…” (joke)
The Gospel of John calls Jesus the "Lamb of God." This is not connected to the nursery rhyme "Mary Had a Little Lamb," but there are jokes. "'Mary had a little lamb is…
Food/Drink
“If mashed apples are applesauce, why aren’t mashed potatoes called potatosauce?”
Mashed apples are called "apple sauce" (or "applesauce"), but mashed potatoes are not called "potato sauce" (or "potatosauce"). Also, there are "mashed…
“If mashed apples is apple sauce, then mashed potatoes is potato sauce”
Mashed apples are called "apple sauce" (or "applesauce"), but mashed potatoes are not called "potato sauce" (or "potatosauce"). Also, there are "mashed…
“If medicine worked, you wouldn’t need to refill your prescription”
"If medicine worked, you wouldn't need to refill your prescription" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying means that the pharmaceutical industry doesn't…
“If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament”
"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament" is a popular statement in support of abortion. Activists Florynce Kennedy and Gloria Steinem were in a taxicab (Steinem recalls…
“If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas again”
"If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker wants to wish people a happy Christmas, whether that is…
“If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas”
"If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker wants to wish people a happy Christmas, whether that is…
“If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry fucking Christmas”
"If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The speaker wants to wish people a happy Christmas, whether that is…
“If Monday had a face, I would punch it”
"If Monday had a face, I would punch it" (or "If Monday had a face, I'd punch it" or "Punch Monday in the face") is a saying about Monday -- the usual start of…
“If Monday were shoes, they’d be Crocs”
"If Monday(s) were shoes, they'd be Crocs" is a Monday saying that has been printed on many images. Crocs is a brand of American footwear that is often ridiculed. "'If days…
“If Mondays were shoes, they’d be Crocs”
"If Monday(s) were shoes, they'd be Crocs" is a Monday saying that has been printed on many images. Crocs is a brand of American footwear that is often ridiculed. "'If days…
“If money can fix a problem, then it really isn’t a problem”
Money can't solve everything, according to at least this one proverb: "If money can fix/solve a problem, then it really isn't a problem." The issues of health and of family…
“If money can’t buy happiness, explain motorcycles and beer”
A proverbial saying is that "money can't buy happiness." "If money can't buy happiness, explain motorcycles and beer" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“If money can’t buy love, then why do dating sites charge?”
The Beatles sang that "money can't buy me love" in the song "Can't Buy Me Love" (1964). "RT @Farrali: If money can't buy love, why do dating websites charge…
“If money can’t buy you love, then why do dating websites charge?”
The Beatles sang that "money can't buy me love" in the song "Can't Buy Me Love" (1964). "RT @Farrali: If money can't buy love, why do dating websites charge…
“If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?”
"Money doesn't grow on trees" is a popular financial proverb from at least the early 19th century. "If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have so many…
“If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys”
"If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys" (or "If money grew on trees, girls wouldn't mind dating monkeys") is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“If money grew on trees, girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys”
"If money grew on trees, girls would date monkeys" (or "If money grew on trees, girls wouldn't mind dating monkeys") is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?”
"If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?" is a popular bumper sticker saying. "For the love of money is the root of all evil" is from the New Testament (1…
“If money really did grow on trees, everyone’s favorite season would be fall”
"Money doesn't grow on trees" is an old American proverb. American humorist Robert Orben wrote a variation in his book 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches (1984): "Lazy? If…