“I’ll have the mouse, please.”/“That’s mousse, sir.”
"Mousse" shouldn't be confused with "mouse" or "moose," but there are jokes. Wikipedia: MousseA mousse (/ˈmuːs/; French: [mus]; "foam") is a soft…
Food/Drink
“I’ll have what she’s having!”
Katz's Deli, 205 East Houston Street. Meg Ryan. Billy Crystal. When Harry Met Sally... (1989), directed by Rob Reiner, with a screenplay by Nora Ephron. Harry and Sally are seated. Sally fakes…
“I’ll hug your elephant if you kiss my ass” (Republican-Democrat bipartisanship)
"I'll hug your elephant if you kiss my ass" is the last line of a bipartisanship poem of unknown authorship, said to be from a Democrat to a Republican after an election. The poem…
“I’ll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar”
A Klondike bar is an ice cream bar coated with a thin layer of chocolate. "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" is a memorable ad jingle that began in 1982. "I'll never be…
“I’ll never understand people who get in the fast lane just to drive the speed limit”
The speed lane is usually for drivers who go above the speed limit (breaking the law). This viral saying (over 265,000 likes) was posted on Twitter by slate on March 1, 2021: "I’ll never…
“I’ll sign anything except bad legislation” (Kinky Friedman)
When author/musician Kinky Friedman ran for governor of Texas in 2005-2006, many people asked for his autograph. "I'll sign anything except bad legislation" was an often-used…
“I’ll slap you so hard even Google won’t be able to find you”
"I'll hit/slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you" is a jocular one-line saying that had been printed on many images. Google is a popular search engine. The…
“I’ll take a coffee with my sunshine”
"I'll take (a) coffee with my sunshine" is a morning coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I'll take a coffee with my sunshine" (shown on an image) was…
“I’ll take a Corona, hold the virus” (bar request)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic ad nothing to do with Corona beer, but there were jokes. One line had a customer walk into a bar and say to the bartender, "I'll take a Corona, hold the…
“I’ll take coffee with my sunshine”
"I'll take (a) coffee with my sunshine" is a morning coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "I'll take a coffee with my sunshine" (shown on an image) was…
“I’ll take the lobster home to dinner” (joke)
Lobsters are sold live, and there is a joke about someone getting a live lobster. "Great! I'll take him home to dinner!" the receiving person declares. "Oh no, don't do…
“I’ll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I’m in a relationship again”
"I'll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I'm in a relationship again" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words -- never. "I’ll vacuum the…
“I’ll vacuum the beach before I tell social media I got a man again”
"I'll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I'm in a relationship again" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words -- never. "I’ll vacuum the…
“I’m 1776% sure you’re not taking my AR-15”
"I am 1776% sure no one will be taking my guns" (or "I am 1776% sure no one is taking my guns") is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on many images. "1776" is the…
“I’m a baker for the army. When I go to war, I go in all buns glazing”
"Buns glazing" is a spoonerism for "guns blazing." "Just hit town with his buns glazing" was posted to the newsgroup rec.audio.pro on December 23, 2001. A popular joke…
“I’m a better person when I’m tan and holding a margarita”
"I'm a better person when I'm tan and holding a margarita" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm a better person when I'm tan and holding a…
“I’m a big fan of air circulation”
"I'm a big fan of air circulation devices" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Mike Sullivan on July 9, 2012. "I'm a big fan of air circulation" was posted on…
“I’m a bodybuilding mime. Some people say I’m the strong, silent type”
Many women like the strong, silent type of man. "Women say they like the strong silent type. So basically a bodybuilder mime" was posted on X/Twitter by Sofa King Cool ✇ on January 8,…
“I’m a chemical engineer. I convert beer and wine into urine”
The "convert beer into urine joke" has been popular since at least the 1990s. About 2008, a joke called the "Wisdom of a Retiree" circulated from an uncredited source:…
“I’m a collector of empty bottles. That sounds better than alcoholic”
Does "collector of empty bottles" sound better than "alcoholic"? "My friends is a collector. Of empty bottles. Sounds SO much better than 'an alcoholic',…