“I haven’t had a single drink all day. They’ve all been doubles”
"Love Dean Martin's Line: 'Haven't had a single drink all week...only doubles'" was printed in the Valley Times (North Hollywood, CA) on January 31, 1959. American…
Food/Drink
“I haven’t owned a watch for I don’t know how long”
"For I don't know how long" is an expression for a long period of time, but there's a joke: "I haven't owned a watch for I don't know how long." The joke was…
“I haven’t seen faith move mountains, but I have seen what faith can do to buildings”
Jokes about the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City's World Trade Center are numerous, although not always politically correct. One joke/saying is: "I haven't seen…
“I haven’t seen liberals this angry since yesterday”
"I haven't seen liberals this upset since yesterday" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. "LMAO...best comment of 2017 Q1-2! 'Haven't seen…
“I haven’t seen liberals this mad since yesterday”
"I haven't seen liberals this upset since yesterday" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. "LMAO...best comment of 2017 Q1-2! 'Haven't seen…
“I haven’t seen liberals this pissed since yesterday”
"I haven't seen liberals this upset since yesterday" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. "LMAO...best comment of 2017 Q1-2! 'Haven't seen…
“I haven’t seen liberals this upset since yesterday”
"I haven't seen liberals this upset since yesterday" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. "LMAO...best comment of 2017 Q1-2! 'Haven't seen…
“I haven’t seen the Democrats this mad since we freed the slaves!”
"I haven’t seen Democrats this mad since Republicans freed their slaves" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. The saying, in several forms, became popular with…
“I haven’t kept up my subscription to Scrabble Club. Now they’re sending me threatening letters”
A joke on the Scrabble word game was posted on Twitter by Jim Crowfoot on November 23, 2015: "I've missed paying my subscription to Scrabble Club and now they have started sending me…
“I haven’t seen Democrats this mad since Republicans freed their slaves”
"I haven’t seen Democrats this mad since Republicans freed their slaves" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. The saying, in several forms, became popular with…
“I haven’t tried yoga, but I have tried bending over to pick up my keys…”
"I haven’t tried yoga, but I have tried bending over to pick up my keys, so I’m pretty sure I’d hate yoga" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“I hear proofreading is being abolished. Is nothing scared?”
"I hear proofreading is being abolished. Is nothing scared?" -- "sacred" is purposely misspelled -- is a joke that has been printed on many images. "I hear proofreading is…
“I hear the monastery is laying off workers. All nun essential staff are gone”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many workers deemed "non-essential" to stay at home. This has nothing to do with nuns, but there are jokes. "It would be wrong for the Pope…
“I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math. Glad to know I’m in the other 2%”
Americans are bad at math, but good at jokes. "60% of Americans are bad at math, but I'm in the other 90%" was posted on Twitter by Megan Amram on September 14, 2010. "I heard…
“I heard a cactus fell in love with a fruit tree. They make a prickly pear”
An interesting possible cross of plants was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on May 23, 2021: "I heard a cactus fell in love with a fruit tree. They make a prickly pear." "Pear" is…
“I heard a church is a good place to go if you collect flags. It’s where you can seek pennants”
"Penance" can sound like "pennants." There is a joke about this. "My church gives away pointy flags to those who ask forgiveness from a priest... You should go there if you…
“I heard a really funny joke at our mandatory meeting at work” (joke)
When another telling of a joke doesn't work, "I guess you had to be there" is what the joke teller often says. "Did you hear the one about the mandatory meeting? I guess you had…
“I heard alcohol and sunlight can kill Corona, so if you see me naked and drunk in the yard…”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreakThe 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is an ongoing global pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by severe acute…
“I heard that cricket matches can last for days. No rest for the wicket”
"No rest for the wicked" is from the Book of Isaiah verses 48:22 and 57:20-21. "No rest for the wicket" is a cricket joke. "The Bowlers have plenty to do, and there is no…
“I heard the government is putting chips in people. I hope I get sour cream and onion”
"I heard the government is putting chips inside people. I hope I get Doritos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The "chips" are usually radio-frequency…