“I’d go to a strip club, but it’s always the same old thong and dance”
"Song and dance" is a New York slang phrase that dates to the 19th century. Strips clubs give the same old "thong and dance." "Thong bikinis and nude dance clubs (same old…
Food/Drink
“I’d like to apologize to anyone I haven’t yet offended. Please be patient”
"I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly" is a jocular saying (popular on social media) that has been printed on many…
“I’d like to apologize to anyone I’ve not yet offended. Please be patient”
"I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly" is a jocular saying (popular on social media) that has been printed on many…
“I’d like to buy a ham and cheese baguette with pickles.”/“Sorry, we only take cash or card.”
A deli joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on August 11, 2012: "So I said to the woman at the deli, 'I'd like to buy a ham and cheese baguette with pickles.' She said…
“I’d like to buy Christmas stamps.”/“What denomination?” (joke)
Christmas stamps and Hanukkah stamps are sold by the U.S. post office, and a joke has a woman buying such stamps. "What denomination?" a clerk asks her. The woman, however, believes the…
“I’d like to buy Hanukkah stamps.”/“What denomination?” (joke)
Christmas stamps and Hanukkah stamps are sold by the U.S. post office, and a joke has a woman buying such stamps. "What denomination?" a clerk asks her. The woman, however, believes the…
“I’d like to congratulate drugs for winning the war on drugs”
"Congratulations to drugs for winning the war on drugs" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "We'd like to congratulate drugs for winning the war on…
“I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass”
"I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass" is a jocular put-down that has been printed on many images. Authorship is…
“I’d like to thank my parents for making this possible and my children for making it necessary”
Danish and American pianist and comedian Victor Borge (1909-2000) was cited in a February 1958 newspaper for ending his performance with this jocular line: "I want to thank my parents for…
“I’d like to think I’m only mean to people who deserve it. Like a vigilante bitch. A bitchilante”
"Bitchilante (n.) Being mean only to people who deserve it" is a jocular definition that has been printed on many images. "Bitchilante" is a portmanteau of the words…
“I’d make a veggie joke, but no one would carrot all”
"Carrot" sounds a bit like "care at." "I'd make a veggie joke, but no one would carrot all" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are” (poem)
"I'd rather be a Could Be, If I cannot be an Are" is a poem that Brooklyn-born author Robert W. Chambers (1865-1933) published in the book Iole (1905). The poem was reprinted in many…
“I’d rather be fishing”
"I'd rather be fishing" is a saying that has been on many items, such as bumper stickers, license plate holders, T-shirts and hats. The "I'd Rather Be Fishing" bumper…
“I’d rather be led to hell than managed to heaven”
"I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heaven" is a quotation of unknown authorship about the perils of over-managing employees. The quotation first appeared in Linux chat groups…
“I’d rather be lucky than good”
"I'd rather be lucky than good" is a popular sports saying. "It is better to be born lucky than good-looking" is a somewhat similar saying that was popular in the late 19th…
“I’d rather be someone’s shot of tequila than everyone’s cup of tea”
Entry in progress -- B.P.
“I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea”
"I'd rather be someone's shot of espresso/tequila/vodka/whiskey than everyone's cup of tea" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Someone's…
“I’d rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the one who sold it”
"Call me a rube and a hick, but I’d a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it" is a line attributed to the humorist Will Rogers (1879-1935). The…
“I’d rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook”
"I would rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "Would rather check my facebook than face my checkbook…
“I’d rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook”
"I would rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "Would rather check my facebook than face my checkbook…