“I just flew in from Italy and boyardee’s arms tired”
“I just flew in and boy, are my arms tired!” is a very old joke (1940s). The arms are tired from flapping so much (like a bird's wings). Chef Boyardee is an American brand of canned pasta,…
Food/Drink
“I just found out Canada isn’t real. Turns out it was all just mapleleaf”
"Maple leaf" (a national symbol of Canada) sounds like "make believe." "When I was little I used to think Canada was real. Now I realize it was Maple Leaf 🍁" was…
“I just found out it doesn’t matter how early I go to sleep I just don’t want to go to work”
"I just found out it doesn't matter how early I go to sleep I just don't want to go to work" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, even if the speaker gets…
“I just found out my Indian name is…chugalottajava”
"I've just found out that my Indian name is Chugalottajava" (or "I just found out my Indian name is...chugalottajava") is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on…
“I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower…”
$22 used to fill up a car's gas tank, but not with high gas prices. "I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower but I am trying to stay positive" was…
“I just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock…” (joke)
A cuckoo clock often features a figure that comes out of a house to strike the hour. A cuckoo clock joke was posted on Twitter on December 10, 2010: "I've got a job working in a full size…
“I just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock…” (joke)
A cuckoo clock often features a figure that comes out of a house to strike the hour. A cuckoo clock joke was posted on Twitter on December 10, 2010: "I've got a job working in a full size…
“I just got a photo from a speed camera through the mail. I sent it back—it’s way too expensive and really bad quality”
When a motorist receives a speed camera photo through the mail, it's a fine. You're not paying all that money for the photo, but there's a popular joke. "I just got a photo from…
“I just got a ticket for eating ginger cake on the village green. It was a parkin fine”
"Parkin" (a gingerbread cake traditionally made with oatmeal and black treacle) has nothing to do with "parking," but there are jokes. "The traffic warden slapped a treacle…
“I just got back from the annual Condiment Convention. It was nice to ketchup with old friends again”
"Ketchup" sounds like "catch up," and there are jokes. "We had a lot of fun at the condiment convention. There was so much to ketchup" was posted on Reddit --…
“I just got completely burnt fries at a restaurant. It really is Black Fry Day”
A pun on "Black Friday" is "Black Fry Day" -- a day of burnt french fries. "McDonald's should served only burnt french fries the day after Thanksgiving, because…
“I just got done working all night, and I am ready to call it a day”
"I just got done working all night, and I am ready to call it a day" is a seemingly contradictory saying about working during the night. "Been working all night on the…
“I just got fired from a florist. Apparently I took too many leaves”
"Leaves of absence" are not like the leaves on a plant, but there are jokes. "I just got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves" was posted on Twitter by Funny…
“I just got hired at the yacht store. They made me the sails manager”
"Sales manager" shouldn't be confused with "sails manager," but there are jokes. "YES! Just been hired as a sails manager at the yacht club 🚣" was posted on…
“I just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas. He wanted an ex-box”
Xbox is a video gaming brand from Microsoft. "Xbox" should not be confused with "ex box," but there are jokes. "I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for…
“I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?”
"Since I'm going in different time zones and am gaining hours, does that make me a time traveler?" was posted on Twitter on March 29, 2015. "If I keep traveling to different…
“I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?”
"Since I'm going in different time zones and am gaining hours, does that make me a time traveler?" was posted on Twitter on March 29, 2015. "If I keep traveling to different…
“I just got off the phone with Friday… She’ll be here tomorrow and she is bringing wine!!”
"Friday just called. She'll be here tomorrow and she's bringing the wine!" is a Thursday saying that has been printed on many images. " RT @MichaelJordaan: Just got off the…
“I just had the best sex ever! No wait. Coffee. I had coffee”
"I just had the best sex ever! No wait. Coffee. I had coffee" and "I just had the best sex ever! No wait. Oreos. I had Oreos" are sayings that have been printed on many images.…
“I just had the best sex ever! No wait. Oreos. I had Oreos”
"I just had the best sex ever! No wait. Coffee. I had coffee" and "I just had the best sex ever! No wait. Oreos. I had Oreos" are sayings that have been printed on many images.…