“I’m a socialist drinker” (joke)
A "social" drinker shouldn't be confused with a "socialist" drinker, but there are jokes. "I'm not a heavy drinker, more of a socialist drinker. Which is to say,…
Food/Drink
“I’m a time traveler. I travel in time at the rate of one second per second”
We all time travel. "I can time travel.... but only forwards.....and really slowly... at one second per second" was posted on Twitter by Rudy Lippert on July 26, 2010. "I time travel…
“I’m a trust fund baby. My parents trust me to fund myself”
"I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trusted me to go fund myself" (or "I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trust me to fund myself") is a jocular saying that has been…
“I’m a trust fund baby. My parents trusted me to go fund myself”
"I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trusted me to go fund myself" (or "I'm a trust fund baby. My parents trust me to fund myself") is a jocular saying that has been…
“I’m a vegetarian not because I love animals, but because I hate plants”
"I'm a vegetarian, not because I love animals...but because I hate plants!" said comedian A. Whitney Brown in the May 1983 Vegetarian Times. The joke is that if don't like…
“I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become”
"I'm a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on the blog Wine…
“I’m a woman of many moods and they all require chocolate”
"I'm a woman of many moods and they all require chocolate" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I am a woman of many moods, and they all require chocolate.…
“I’m a woman. I have needs. Pass me the wine”
"I'm a woman. I have needs. Pass me the wine"is a wine saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on May 19, 2016. "I'm a woman, I have…
“I’m a writer. Anything you say or do may be used in a story”
"I'm a writer. Anything you say or do may be used in a story" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying parodies Miranda warnings ("You have the right…
“I’m a writer. If I seem cold, it’s because I’m surrounded by drafts”
"I'm a writer. If I seem cold, it's because I'm surrounded by drafts" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. A riddle was posted on BuzzFeed on December…
“I’m about to have a cup of dangerous coffee. Safe tea first though”
"Safety first" is a slogan that has been used since the early 1900s. "Safe-Tea First" is a pun that was used in Ridgways Tea advertisments from October 1914. A jocular saying…
“I’m about to have my favorite alcoholic drink. It’s called A Lot”
"Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called 'a lot'" (or "Tonight, I'll be having my favorite drink. It's called a lot") is a…
“I’m actually extremely grateful for all those who put their pronouns in their bio…”
Many politically correct "woke" people put pronouns in their bios. This was posted on X/Twitter by Kyle Kashuv on January 3, 2022: "im actually extremely grateful for all those who…
“I’m addicted to seaweed. I must seek kelp”
"Kelp" sounds like "help," and there have been several puns. "Being addicted to seaweed is a cry for kelp" was posted on Twitter on September 5, 2011. "I've…
“I’m adding ‘showed up for work during the apocalypse’ to my résumé”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic sent many people home to quarantines, but many essential workers stayed on the job. "I'm adding 'showed up for/to work during the apocalypse'…
“I’m aging like a fine banana”
"Aging like fine wine" is a saying meaning that someone/something is getting better with age. Bananas spoil very quickly. "Aging like a fine banana" means that someone/something…
“I’m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I break out in handcuffs”
"I'm allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I break out in handcuffs" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I have an allergy to alcohol; when I drink I…
“I’m allergic to food. I break out in fat”
"I'm allergic to food. I break out in fat" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images. Newspapers.com12 April 1974, News-Herald (Port Clinton, OH), "Jottings…
“I’m allergic to green onions. Every time I eat them, I break out in chives”
"Hives" shouldn't be confused with "chives," but there are jokes. "And I have chives on my face. Great, I hate it when I break out in chives. Ugh" was posted on…
“I’m allergic to rice. I’m basmatic”
There's a difference between "asthmatic" (asthma) and "basmatic" (basmati rice), but there have been jokes. This was printed in the Sunday Mail (Glasgow, Scotland) on…