“I don’t watch Fox News for the same reason I don’t eat out of the toilet”
"I don't watch [CNN/Fox News] for the same reason I don't eat out of the toilet" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't watch [CNN/Fox…
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health
“I don’t wish people ‘Good morning.’ I just say ‘Morning,’ then it’s up to them…”
"I don't wish people 'Good morning.' I just say 'Morning,' then it's up to them. I'm not taking responsibility for that shit" (or "I don't…
“I don’t wish people a ‘Good morning.’ I just say ‘Morning’ and what kind they actually have, is totally up to them…”
"I don't wish people 'Good morning.' I just say 'Morning,' then it's up to them. I'm not taking responsibility for that shit" (or "I don't…
“I don’t work here. I’m a consultant”
"I don't work here. I'm a consultant" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, hats and coffee mugs. The saying has been cited in print…
“I don’t work on weekends, or any other day that ends with ‘Y’”
"I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with 'Y'" is an anti-work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Cool Funny…
“I don’t always walk the walk or even talk the talk, but if you need someone to drink the drink…
"I can't walk the walk or talk the talk, but if you need someone to drink the drink, I'm all yours!" is a jocular drinking sayin that has been printed on many images. "I…
“I don’t believe in reincarnation. Who wants to come back as a tin of milk?”
Reincarnation has nothing to do with Carnation brand evaporated milk, but there are jokes. "Who wants to come back as a tin of milk ?????" was posted on the newsgroup…
“I don’t care about mandates because I don’t date men”
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in some vaccine mandates. The term "mandates" has nothing to do with "man dates," but there are jokes. "no, i don't like…
“I don’t care for cheese. I’m a curdmudgeon”
A "curmudgeon" should not be confused with a "curdmudgeon" (curds + curdmudgeon), but there are jokes. "@BeerCurmudgeon cheese-curd-mudgeon" was posted on Twitter by…
“I don’t drink beer. I drink a wheat smoothie”
“I don’t drink beer. I drink a wheat smoothie" is a jocular drinking saying that has been printed on many images. "Beer is just a wheat smoothie, for the soul. Happy St…
“I don’t even know how to use my own credit card anymore. Tap it? Swipe it? Bop it? Twist it?”
Credit cards and debit cards used to be swiped, but now can also be inserted or tapped. It can be confusing. "First they tell me to swipe it, then to stick it, and now to tap it? Credit cards…
“I don’t even know how to use my own debit card anymore. Tap it? Swipe it? Bop it? Twist it?”
Credit cards and debit cards used to be swiped, but now can also be inserted or tapped. It can be confusing. "First they tell me to swipe it, then to stick it, and now to tap it? Credit cards…
“I don’t have a bucket list but my bikeit list is a mile long”
"I don’t have a bucket list but my bikeit list is a mile long" is a one-line biking saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't have a bucket list... but my…
“I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine”
"I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine/it" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "I don't have a…
“I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it”
"I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine/it" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "I don't have a…
“I don’t have enough coffee or middle fingers for today”
"I don’t have enough coffee or middle fingers for today" (meaning that it's a tough, disagreeable day) is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "I…
“I don’t know how to use TikTok, but I can write in cursive, do long division, and tell time”
"I don’t know how to use TikTok, but I can write in cursive, do long division, and tell time on clocks with hands" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker…
“I don’t know if Twitter has ever caused the lame to walk, but it has caused the dumb to speak”
"The people were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled made well, the lame walking and the blind seeing. And they praised the God of Israel" is from Matthew 15:31.There are…
“I don’t know the secret of happiness, but I’ve never been sad at an Italian restaurant”
"I don't know the secret to happiness, but I've never been sad at a Mexican restaurant" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "I don’t necessarily know the…
“I don’t like math puns. But I will make one if I half two”
"Half" is sometimes confused with "have." A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on August 20, 2022: "I don’t like math puns. But I will make one if I half two."…