“How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?”/“Apply the pumpkin patch.”
A pumpkin "patch" (where pumpkins grow) is not the same as a nicotine "patch" (used for nicotine replacement therapy), but there have been several jokes.…
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health
“How do you decorate a canoe for Christmas?”/“With oar-naments.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: How do you decorate a canoe for Christmas? A: With oar-naments. The Christmas joke has been cited in print since at least 2005. Google BooksCrazy Christmas JokesBy Alison…
“How do you divide 20 potatoes among 6 people?”/“Boil them and mash them.”
Entry in progress -- BP Newspapers.comA GOOD MATHEMATICIAN. Google Groups: bit.listserv.deaf-lDeaf JokesHarry BlackmoreJan 15, 1996, 3:00:00 AM(...)If you have ten potatoes, how would you divide…
“How do you do the wave at a chess match?”/“With your eyebrows.”
Sports fans in many stadiums do "the wave." There's a chess joke: Q: How do chess crowds do the wave?A: With their eyebrows. The joke was told by American columnist and author…
“How do you drown a hipster?”/“In the mainstream.”
"How do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream" is a popular joke that has been printed on many images. "Why can't you drown a a hipster in a river? They flow mainstream"…
“How do you eat an elephant?”/“One bite at a time”
"How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time," a popular saying has it. The proverb means that giant tasks can be accomplished if done a little at a time. Frank Cody, Detroit's…
“How do you end a prayer to the Noodle God?”/“Ramen.”
Some jokes identify the word "amen" in "ramen" (noodles). "How do you end a prayer to the Noodle God? Ramen" was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 28, 2015.…
“How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread? Cut the ends and now you have endless bread”
Many people cut the ends off of a loaf of bread. "How do you share a loaf of bread with many people?Cut off both ends and it becomes endless bread" was posted on Twitter by Nicholas johan…
“How do you feel about canned food? Personally, I’d give it an ate out of tin”
"Ate out of tin" sounds like "8 out of 10." "Ate-out-of-tin homeless people are malnourished" was posted on Twitter by AstonishingSod on November 20, 2009, and again…
“How do you fix a broken pizza?”/“Tomato paste.”
A popular pizza joke is: "How do you fix a broken pizza?""Use tomato paste!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 1993. Google BooksSilly School JokesBy Gary Perkins…
“How do you fix a broken sousaphone?”/“With a tuba glue.”
"Tuba" sounds like "tube of." A riddle was printed in many newspapers in 1994: Q: What do you use to fix a broken tuba?A: A tuba glue! The riddle is often worded as this: Q: How…
“How do you fix a broken tuba?”/“With a tuba glue.”
"Tuba" sounds like "tube of." A riddle was printed in many newspapers in 1994: Q: What do you use to fix a broken tuba?A: A tuba glue! The riddle is often worded as this: Q: How…
“How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?”/“With a pumpkin patch.”
A popular Halloween pumpkin riddle is: Q: How do you mend a broken jack-o'lantern?A: With a pumpkin patch! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1994, when it was printed in many…
“How do you get a farm girl to like you?”/“A tractor.”
"A tractor" sounds like "attract her." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on February 7, 2019: Q: How do you get a farm girl to like you?A: A tractor. Reddit --…
“How do you get a French waiter’s attention?”/“Start ordering in German.”
A French restaurant riddle is: Q: How do you get a French waiter’s attention?A: Start ordering in German. That is, French waiters will usually ignore you -- except if you are German. (Germany…
“How do you get a grandmother to swear?”/“Have another say ‘Bingo!’”
A popular bingo joke is: Q: How do you get a grandmother to swear?A: Have another grandmother say "Bingo!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…
“How do you get a guitarist to turn down the volume?” (joke)
Can guitar players read music? A popular joke is: Q. How do you get a guitar player to play softer?A. Give him a sheet of music. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…
“How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?” (lawyer joke)
One popular lawyer joke hints at the lynch law: Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?A: Cut the rope. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1993. Google BooksGreat Lawyer Stories:…
“How do you get a parrot to talk properly?”/“Send him to polytechnic.”
A "polytechnic" is not full of parrots (Pollys, as in "Polly want a cracker?"), but there's a riddle: Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?A: Send him to…
“How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?”/“Unzip it.”
An NSFW riddle is: Q: How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?A: Unzip it. A "fly" is small and has almost no meat, but the "fly" in the joke is a zipper. Sometimes "a…