“I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do”
"I do whatever my rice crispies/krispies tell me to" is a popular bumper sticker saying. Kellogg's Rice Krispies cereal says "snap, crackle, pop" when milk is added…
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health
“I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants”
"I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants" is a jocular yoga saying that has been printed on many images. "'@Carrie_Br4dshaw: I do yoga to relieve…
“I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants”
"I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding! I drink wine in yoga pants" is a jocular yoga saying that has been printed on many images. "'@Carrie_Br4dshaw: I do yoga to relieve…
“I don’t advertise my lip reading business. It’s all word of mouth”
Some businesses don't advertise, but succeed by word of mouth. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 26, 2018: "I don't advertise my lip reading business. It's all…
“I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket”
"I don't always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. One image involves…
“I don’t always drink water, but when I do it’s filtered water. Through my coffeemaker. It’s coffee”
"I don't always drink water, but when I do, it's coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. One image involves "The Most Interesting Man in the…
“I don’t always drink water, but when I do, it’s coffee”
"I don't always drink water, but when I do, it's coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. One image involves "The Most Interesting Man in the…
“I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit”
To "go the extra mile" is an idiom meaning to give an extra effort. "Extra mile" usually is not meant literally, but there are jokes. "I don't always go the extra…
“I don’t always have time to study…but when I do, I don’t”
"I don't always have time to study (for exams)...but when I do, I don't" is a joke based on the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" advertisement tagline…
“I don’t always have to retype my password, but when I do, I stab each letter into the keyboard”
Many people have to retype a password. When they retype it, they often do it carefully, and stab the keyboard. "I don't always have to retype my password but when I do, I stab each letter…
“I don’t always tell dad jokes. But when I do, he laughs”
There's a difference between "telling dad" jokes and telling "dad jokes." The former is told to a father, while the latter is usually told by a father. A joke was posted on…
“I don’t always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I’m probably at work”
"I don't always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I'm probably at work" -- a work variation of the :Most Interesting Man in the World" meme -- is a jocular saying that…
“I don’t believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero”
"I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero" is a saying credited to American stand-up comedian George Carlin…
“I don’t believe the liberal media”
"I don't believe the liberal media" was a slogan of the National Conservative Foundation in 1985. Later, the slogan was used by the Media Research Center (a conservative media…
“I don’t buy coffee to work, I work to buy coffee. It’s the circle of life”
"I work to buy coffee. I buy coffee so I can work. It's the circle of life" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I work so I can buy iced coffee. I buy iced coffee…
“I don’t buy fat-free milk because I don’t want to encourage cows with negative body image issues”
A joke about fat free milk was posted on Twitter by Krunal Sagan o August 27, 2010: "I don't buy fat-free milk because I don't want to encourage cows with negative body image issues…
“I don’t call the shots I just drink them”
The phrase "call the shots" shouldn't be confused with shots of alcohol, but there are jokes. "YOU CALL THE SHOTS... or you just drink em!" was posted on Facebook by X…
“I don’t call them illegal firearms. They’re undocumented protection devices and I keep them…”
"Undocumented" guns have been compared to "undocumented" Americans. "I don't have any 'assault weapons' - they are either defense weapons or undocumented…
“I don’t care if it’s Friday the 13th. I’m just happy it’s finally Friday!”
"I don't care if it's Friday the 13th. I'm just happy it's finally Friday!" is a Friday saying that has been printed on many images. "Finally Friday! Woohoo. I…
“I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. Except dogs. I want dogs to like me”
"I don't care what anyone thinks of me. Except dogs. I want dogs to like me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I don't care what anyone thinks of me.…