"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…
Costco is a "club" (a warehouse club of retail stores), but it's not a nightclub. There are jokes about going to "the club." "if by 'picking up hotties at the…
"Free spirits" usually doesn't mean "open bar," but this is a subject of several jokes. "Perking up at 'free spirits.' Is there an open bar somewhere?"…
"If by living the American dream you mean paycheck to paycheck then yes I am" is a saying that has been printed on an ecard. The saying was posted on Twitter by Drunk N Naughty on…
"If cannibals start starving, they can always make themselves a snack" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on January 26, 2019. It was removed (Showerthoughts doesn't accept…
People honk their car horns as a warning to other drivers. Some call it a "you stupid bastard horn" or a "fuck you horn." CraigBailey.net suggested a "sorry horn" on…
"If cats could talk to cops, they wouldn't" is a meme that has been printed on many images. The meme combines the sayings "If cats could [X}, they wouldn't" with…
"If cats could text you back, they wouldn't" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The joke is that cats are self-centered and lazy. "If cats could text you…
"If caught sleeping, slowly raise your head from your desk and say, 'In Jesus name, Amen'" is a jocular work tip that has been printed on many images. The joke has been cited in…
"If cauliflower can somehow become pizza...then you, my friend, can do anything" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images. "If cauliflower can be pizza, we, my…
"If cheerleading were any easier, it would be called football" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such a T-shirts and posters. "If cheerleading were any easier, it…
"Pawnography" (chess pawn + pornography) is a jocular portmanteau word that some chess players have used. Pawnography!! (1973) was the title of a book by Douglas R Long and Bryan M…
Many people believe that they can't exist without government schools -- rather than home schooling --just because things have long been this way. This was posted on X/Twitter by Geoff Graham…
"If coffee can't fix it, it's a serious problem" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "If coffee can't fix it, nothing can!" was posted on…
A coffeepot riddle is: Q: If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug?A: Pot. The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on June 30, 2017. Reddit -- JokesIf coffee is my…
A statement against committees was published in a February 1962 newspaper: "Secretary of Labor Goldberg, always a free-wheeling operator, frets over the time-consuming committees which have…
"If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in" is a jocular saying about committees that has been printed on many images. "If machines…
"Confusion s the beginning of wisdom" is a saying of uncertain authorship. U.S. General Walter Bedell "Beetle" Smith (1895-1961) said this, as quoted in a 1992 book: “All I…
President Andrew Jackson (1767-1845) said in a July 10, 1832 Veto Message Regarding the Bank of the United States: "The money so coined, with its value so regulated, and such foreign coins as…
"If cops can execute you because they 'saw a gun,' you do not have the right to bear arms" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If a cop can execute you…