“If every day is a gift, then today was socks”
"If every day is a gift, then today was socks" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Socks" sounds like "sucks" and represents something…
Art/Sculpture
“If every offensive series ends with a kick, that’s not all bad” (football adage)
New York Jets head football coach Herman Edwards told his team in 2005: "I'm happy as long as we're kicking the ball. Extra points, field goals and punts, doesn't matter. As…
“If everyone goes cashless, how do we tip strippers?”
"If everyone goes cashless, how do we tip strippers?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. Strippers are often tipped by customers putting dollar bills in a bra or…
“If everyone in the world was right-handed, then there would be nobody left”
"What would happen if everyone in the world was right handed? There would be nobody left" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Carlo Borja on January 30, 2014. "If everyone in the…
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" is a jocular saying about mothers that has been printed on many images. "DELAY: If evolution really works, Ed…
“If experience was so important, we’d never have had anyone walk on the moon”
"If experience was so important, we'd never have had anyone walk on the moon" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Doug Rader, a manager for the San Diego Padres Class…
“If farmer A sells apples, farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell?”/“Medicine.”
"Farmer C" sounds like "pharmacy," and there have been riddles. "Says here is a riddle - Farmer A sell fruits, Farmer B sell veggie, Farmer C sell?…
“If figure skating was easy, it would be called hockey”
"If figure skating was/were easy, it would be called hockey" is a saying that has appeared on many gift items, such as T-shirts, mugs and bumper stickers. "If figure skating were…
“If fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”
Manhattan-born comedian George Carlin (1937-2008) wrote in Napalm & Silly Putty (2002): "The contra killers were known as 'freedom fighters.' Well, if crime fighters fight crime…
“If found drunk or unconscious, please return to anyone but my wife”
"If found drunk, please return to (my) wife" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found drunk or unconscious, please return to anyone but (my)…
“If found drunk or unconscious, please return to anyone but wife”
"If found drunk, please return to (my) wife" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found drunk or unconscious, please return to anyone but (my)…
“If found drunk, please return to wife”
"If found drunk, please return to (my) wife" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found drunk or unconscious, please return to anyone but (my)…
“If found, please return to pub”
"If found, please return to (the) pub" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found, please return to the pub" was posted on the newsgroup…
“If found, please return to the pub”
"If found, please return to (the) pub" is a jocular T-shirt saying that has been printed on many images. "If found, please return to the pub" was posted on the newsgroup…
“If free speech is a threat to your government, then your government is a threat to your country”
"If free speech is a threat to your government, (then) your government is a threat to your country" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If free speech is a threat to…
“If free speech is a threat to your government… your government is a threat to your country”
"If free speech is a threat to your government, (then) your government is a threat to your country" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If free speech is a threat to…
“If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to slaughter”
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter" is a George Washington (1732-1799) quotation that became frequently used in the…
“If Friday had a face, I would kiss it”
"If Friday had a face, I would kiss it" is a Friday (often the end of the work week) saying that has been printed on many images. "Yay it's Friday! If Friday had a face I would…
“If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from?”/“A poul-tree.”
"Poultry" is often given in pun form as "poul-tree," as in the Brooklyn (NY) Daily Eagle on December 13, 1867: "Holly is the most popular tree at Christmas time; but on…