“Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!” (joke)
"Parkinson's disease" has nothing to do with "parking," but there are jokes. "Parking-sons Disease Forgetting where you've parked your car" was entered in…
Sports/Games
“Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a hotel.”/“Can I examine you?”/“Be my guest.”
A hotel joke is: DISTURBED PERSON: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a hotel.DOCTOR: Can I examine you?DISTURBED PERSON: Be my guest. The joke was posted on Twitter on November 26, 2015.…
“Doctor, when do you think Covid19 will be over?”/“I don’t know. I’m not a journalist.”
Many people believed that the COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic was over-hyped by the media. A popular meme shows a patient with a doctor. Patient: Doctor, when do you think Covid19 will be…
“Doctor, why do I toot like a motorcycle?”/“Because abscess makes the fart go Honda.”
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is an old proverb. A shortened version of a parody is: Patient: Doctor, why do I toot like a motorcycle?Doctor: Because abscess makes the fart go…
“Doctor: Do you smoke? Me: Yes. Mostly brisket, some ribs.”
"Do you smoke?" is a common question a doctor asks a patient. "Yes, mostly brisket, some ribs" is a jocular answer. "'Do you smoke?' Yeah. Brisket, turkey,…
“Doctor: Don’t eat anything fatty” (joke)
A popular fat joke is: DOCTOR: Don't eat anything fattyME: What!? No pizza? No burgers?DOCTOR: No fatty, just don't eat. "My doctor told me I couldn't eat anything too fatty,…
“Doctor: Eating a lot of cinnamon will help you lose weight. Me at the bakery: 10 cinnamon rolls, please!”
Some doctors believe that cinnamon helps for weight control -- so patients can then order a lot of cinnamon rolls? This is just a food joke because no one eats cinnamon rolls to lose weight.…
“Doctor: Have you had any unexplained weight gain over the past year? Me: No, there are explanations.”
Doctors often ask about any "explained weight gain," but a patient usually knows where the fat came from. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by Just Me…Dee🐟 on December 17, 2023:…
“Doctor: This may hurt. Me: June doesn’t look much better”
"doctor: this may hurt / me: tbh june was worse imo" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by the notorious ana on July 4, 2022. "doctor: this may hurt/ me: june doesn't look…
“Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge!” (joke)
"What's come over you?" is an expression not to be taken literally, but there are jokes. This was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on March 23, 1994: Patient: Doctor doctor, I feel…
“Doctor’s offices be like, ‘Show up 15 minutes early so the doctor can see you 45 minutes late’”
"Why doctors offices be like get there 15 minutes early why you're not even about to get seen until 45 minutes after your appointment time? 😡" was posted on X/Twitter by treena on…
“Doctors bury their mistakes; journalists put theirs on the front page”
A newspaper prints its mistakes for all to see. "Doctors bury their mistakes three feet under ground; lawyers six feet above it; merchants tie theirs up in packages; farmers palm theirs off on…
“Doctors pour drugs of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less”
"Doctors pour drugs of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, into human beings of whom they know nothing" was credited to the French writer and philosopher…
“Does a biscuit website use cookies?”
An "HTTP cookie" is not something that's eaten, but there have been several jokes. A popular joke translates American "cookies" to British "biscuits." Another…
“Does anyone else get road rage from pushing a cart through the aisles at Walmart?”
Can one get "road rage" by pushing a shopping cart at Walmart (a large shopping store)? "Does anyone else get road rage from pushing a shopping cart through Walmart?" is a…
“Does anyone have a recipe for ice cream soup?”
"Ice cream soup" is melted ice cream. There's not much of a recipe. "Does anyone have a recipe for ice cream soup?" was posted on Twitter by Sabeana on November 22, 2010.…
“Does anyone have any spare conspiracy theories? Mine are all coming true…”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic and plans for a "Great Reset" seemed to confirm the "conspiracy theories" of many people. "Does anyone have any spare conspiracy…
“Does anyone know any good Groundhog Day jokes? Because I keep hearing the same ones over and over”
A joke about Groundhog Day and the movie Groundhog Day (1993) was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on February 2, 2015: "Does anyone know any good Groundhog Day jokes? Because I keep hearing the same…
“Does anyone know how many snowmen you’re allowed in your garden under current restrictions?”
The 2020 COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic placed restrictions of the amount of people who are allowed to meet together. Some people wondered if the rules also applied to snowmen. "How many…
“Does anyone know if I can buy clothes pegs online?”
"Online" should not be confused with "on line" (like a clothesline, with clothes pegs). "Can you buy clothes pegs online?" was posted on Facebook by Chris Wright on…