“Could anyone give me a fern? (Asking for a frond)”
"asking for a friend" shouldn't be confused with "asking for a frond," but there are many jokes. "Palm oil is really bad for you, right? I'm asking for a…
Streets
“Could Blazing Saddles be made today? No. It’s hard to make a film in a day”
The movie Blazing Saddles (1974) is a comedy classic. Many people say that the movie couldn't be made today because some of the humor is not "politically correct" and could…
“Could you take a couple steps back. I have a nut allergy”
"Nut" can mean a food, but it can also mean a crazy person. A joke is: "Could you take a couple steps back. I have a nut allergy." The "nut" pun was posted on Twitter…
“Could you toast some bread?”/(raises wine glass) “Here’s to bread!”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterPinot Evil@TheWinegasmHim: Toast me some bread please?Me *raising wine glassHere's to bread!4:49 AM · Feb 17, 2017·Twitter for iPhone Reddit --…
“Couldn’t believe dad stole from his road worker job. But when I got home, all the signs were there”
"I never wanted to believe that my dad stole from his job as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there" is a joke that was posted on Twitter on August 31, 2011. The joke…
“Count that day won when, turning on its axis, this earth imposes no additional taxes”
Franklin Pierce Adams or "FPA" (1881-1960) wrote in his newspaper column, "The Conning Tower" in the New York (NY) Herald Tribune, on April 27, 1934: "Every morning that…
“Count the memories, not the calories”
"Count the memories, not the calories" is a food saying that has been printed on many images. The saying means to enjoy life with good food, or perhaps just with food that one likes (such…
“Count your blessings instead of your crosses” (Thanksgiving poem)
A popular Thanksgiving (or church) poem of unknown authorship has been cited in print since at least 1969: Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses.…
“Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms”
"Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms" -- in other words, "count your blessings" -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in print…
“Counting past 39 is not my forte”
"Forte" can sound like "forty," and there are jokes. "Counting past 39 is not my forte" was posted on Twitter by Julian Lee on July 18, 2013. "Counting past 39 in…
“Counting past thirty-nine is not my forte”
"Forte" can sound like "forty," and there are jokes. "Counting past 39 is not my forte" was posted on Twitter by Julian Lee on July 18, 2013. "Counting past 39 in…
“Countries don’t go bust”
"Countries don't go bust" (often written as "sovereign nations don't go bust/bankrupt/out of business") is a famous statement of Walter Wriston (1919-2005) a chief…
“Country as cornbread” (“Country as corn bread”)
“Country as cornbread” (or “country as corn bread") means something that is genuinely country. The expression "country as cornbread" has been cited in print since at least…
“Country as cornflakes” (“Country as corn flakes”)
General Mills introduced the product "Country Corn Flakes" in 1962. A list of "Southern Sayings" became popular on the Internet in 2000 and #9 was: "He's as country as…
“Country music is just farm emo”
"Country music is just farm emo" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "RT @pajamajams: country music is just farm emo" was posted on Twitter by Erik Casarez on May…
“Country music is just land shanties”
There are sea shanties, but what about land shanties? "Country Music is just land shanties" was posted on Twitter by manic pixie dudebro on January 18, 2020. "Country music is just…
“Couples have Valentine’s Day. Singles have Palm Sunday”
A not-safe-for-work joke is told about Valentine's Day. "If Valentines Day is for lovers... what day is for single men... Palm Sunday" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you”
"Courage doesn't mean you don't get afraid. Courage means you don't let fear stop you" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. The quotation is…
“Courage is fear that has said its prayers”
"Courage is fear that has said its prayers" is a popular motivational quote on many posters, but it's almost always misattributed. The line comes from the short poem…
“Courage is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same”
"Courage is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same. And that's why life is hard" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain.…