“The job requires me to get a potato clock” (get up at eight o’clock)
An old joke has a person seek to purchase a "potato clock" because he or she was told to "get up at eight o'clock." The mondegreen has been cited in print since at least…
Archive for /P25220
“I had a shepherd’s pie for lunch. He was furious”
A shepherd's pie is a meat pie with a crust of mashed potato. A popular joke is: "I had a shepherd's pie for lunch. He was furious." "I ate a shepherd's pie for tea…
“Average gumbo is only medi-okra”
Okra is often used in a "mediocre" pun as "medi-okra" or "mediokra." "Worst pun of the year (...) 'Mediokra'" was printed in 1943 newspapers. Gumbo…
“I took my son to Coney Island. I asked, ‘Wanna go in the Crazy House?’” (joke)
One Coney Island amusement was a "Crazy House," featuring walls at strange angles. New York-based comedian Rodney Dangerfield, filling in for syndicated entertainment columnist Jack…
“Know your worth. Then add tax”
"Know your worth. Then add tax" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. THe saying was posted on Twitter on March 29, 2015. TwitterK I N G @ShortQuayKnow your…
“What is a pregnant woman to a cannibal?”/“Kinder Surprise.”
A riddle about Kinder Surprise (a chocolate egg containing a small toy) is: Q: What is a pregnant woman to a cannibal?A: Kinder Surprise. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007.…
“My son goes to a private school. He won’t tell me where it is!”
New York-based stand-up comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) told a joke about private school: "My kid drives me nuts. For three years now he goes to a private school. He won't tell me…
“You should never sacrifice three things: your family, your heart, or your dignity”
"You should never sacrifice three things: your family, your heart, or your dignity" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. ”You should never sacrifice three…
“The past is your lesson. The present is your gift. The future is your motivation”
"The past is your lesson. The present is your gift. The future is your motivation" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on June…
“The job requires me to get a potato clock” (get up at eight o’clock)
An old joke has a person seek to purchase a "potato clock" because he or she was told to "get up at eight o'clock." The mondegreen has been cited in print since at least…
“The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs”
"The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs" is a saying that has been popularized by Arthur Bloch, the compiler of the "Murphy's Laws" books. Bloch wrote in 1983…
“I’m so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider”
"I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" is a saying from the 1700s and 1800s, when horses were used for transportation (and eating the horse would be a last resort). "I'm so…
“Leftovers are repast history”
"Leftovers are repast history" is a food pun. The saying was posted on the website Pun of the Day in 1999. Pun of the DayGreat One Liners of the Month - October 1999 - page 2(...)18.…
“Men are like chocolate bars—sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips”
"Men are like chocolate bars -- sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips" is a jocular saying about men. The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on January 7, 1998.…
“You can never be sure how many beers you had last night” (Heineken Uncertainty Principle)
"You can never be sure how many beers you had last night" has been called the "Heineken Uncertainty Principle" -- a physics pun on Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. The…
“I came from a tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant, I sat down and had broken leg of lamb”
"I came from a tough neighborhood," American stand-up comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) used to say. "In the local restaurant, I sat down and had broken leg of lamb."…
“A chef is a man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day”
“A chef is a man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day" is a jocular definition of a chef and a simplistic explanation of soup. The joke was printed in The…
“A waffle is a pancake with a non-skid tread”
"Webster notwithstanding, in our opinion a restaurant waffle is pancake with a non-skid tread" was printed in a June 1923 newspaper. "A waffle is a pancake with a non-skid…
“I’m not as think as you drunk I am”
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am" -- a drunk "spoonerism" version of "I'm not as drunk as you think I am" -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on…
“Dogs run and they live 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live 150 years. Lesson learned”
"Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned" is a jocular anti-exercise saying that has…