“A teacher walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A teacher version is: "A teacher walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Can I buy…
Archive for /P23260
“I would’ve kept off the grass, but I don’t understand sign language”
There are many "Keep off the Grass" signs. A joke was posted on the website Tearable Puns on September 19, 2014: "I would've kept off the grass, but I don't understand sign…
“If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple”
"If you were a fruit, you'd be a fineapple" (fine + pineapple) is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. "If I were a fruit, Id be a fineapple" was posted on…
“Zoos are elaborate prisons for animals who aren’t delicious”
Do people keep animals alive only if they're not good to eat? "I'm all for being an activist for animals as long as those animals aren't delicious" was posted on Twitter on…
“An English teacher walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A teacher version is: "A teacher walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Can I buy…
“How does North Korea celebrate Christmas?”/“With missile tows.”
"Missile tow" is a pun on "mistletoe." "Santa knows the missile-tows the line in every way" is the line of the song "The 24 Sours Of Christmas" that dates to…
“When did the Japanese start eating omelettes?”/“A long tamago.”
"Tamago" (Japanese for "grilled egg") sounds like "time ago." "I used to make jokes about Japanese eggs... But I quit a long tamago" was posted on Reddit --…
“Heat makes things expand, so I don’t have a weight problem. I’m just hot”
"Heat makes things expand, so I don't have a weight problem. I'm just hot" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Thought of the day: If heat makes…
“For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus. It’s the little things that count”
"As I was once told by a dwarf holding an abacus—'it’s the little things that count'" is an abacus joke that was posted on the newsgroup rec.crafts.metalworking on October…
“What is a dinosaur’s least favorite reindeer?”/“Comet.”
A Christmas riddle is: Q: What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?A: Comet. The Christmas joke was posted on Twitter on June 11, 2015. The joke has been printed on several images, such as…
“Why do Mexicans eat tamales on Christmas?”/“So they can have something to unwrap.”
Many Mexican-Americans eat tamales over Christmas. The
“Sometimes I wonder how many miles I’ve scrolled my mouse wheel”
"Wondering how many miles I've scrolled with my mouse" is a saying about a computer "mouse" that was posted on Twitter on January 7, 2009. "Sometimes i wonder how many…
“Every fight is a food fight if you’re a cannibal”
What kind of food fights do cannibals have? "Every fight is a food fight if you're a cannibal" is a jocular one-liner from New York-born comedian Demetri Martin. Martin has used the…
“It’s Christmas Eve, not Christmas Steve”
"God made/created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” has been an anti-gay slogan. "It’s Christmas Eve, not Christmas Steve" is a jocular variation on this. "God made…
“The food pyramid is a ‘pyramid’ not ‘triangle,’ so what’s on the other sides?”
The "food pyramid" is a triangular diagram of suggested food servings. However a pyramid has at least two other sides, plus a side that is the base. "It's the food PYRAMID…
“I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone”
"I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone" -- referring to the days before smartphones -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on several images.…
“What do you call a snowman on roller blades?”/“A snowmobile.”
A winter riddle is: Q: What do you call a snowman on roller blades?A: A snowmobile. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1998. December 1998, Ranger Rick, "Reader riddles," pg.…
“You want to be sick enough to stay home, but well enough to enjoy video games”
An acceptable sickness to some people is being too sick to go to school or to work, but well enough to play video games at home. "Homemade turkey and vegetable broth with rotini for me and the…
Freeze Peach (“free speech,” and sometimes an ice cream flavor)
Entry in progress -- B.P. OCLC WorldCat recordFreeze peach : publication by students of Westland High School.Author: Westland High School.Publisher: [Hokitika, N.Z.] : Westland High School,…
“Million Dollar Video Game Idea: A game that teaches gamers how to say words to women”
A stereotype of a video gamer is a male who can't approach women. "Million Dollar Video Game Idea: A game that teaches gamers how to say words to women" is a saying that has been…