“If you kick me when I’m down, you better pray I don’t get up”
"If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up" (or "Never kick me when I'm down, because when I get back up...you're fucked") is a saying…
Archive for /P18240
“What’s the best way to cook alligator?”/“In a crockpot.”
Crockpots aren't for cooking crocodiles, but there are jokes. "JOHN ESTES wondering if alligator is cooked in a 'croc pot'" was printed in the Hanford (CA) Sentinel on…
“Never kick me when I’m down, because when I get back up…you’re f-cked”
"If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up" (or "Never kick me when I'm down, because when I get back up...you're fucked") is a saying…
“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness never paid for a divorce before”
"Money can't buy happiness" is a proverb that has been cited in English since at least 1821. There have been many jocular variations of the proverb. "Whoever said money…
“Going back to your ex is like reheating McDonald’s fries”
French fries at McDonald's fast food restaurants are usually tasteless when reheated. "'You ever make the mistake of reheating McDonald's fries in the microwave? They become…
“I call myself terms and conditions because y’all keep ignoring me”
People often ignore reading terms and conditions. "RT @Abbyglasby: Being ignored so much I call myself Terms & Conditions" was posted on Twitter by سارة on October 3, 2012.…
“Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot”
"Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "@AnnoyedGrlProb:…
“Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding the other person is an idiot”
"Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "@AnnoyedGrlProb:…
“Home is where you can trust the toilet seat is clean before you sit down”
"Home is where you trust the toilet seat" -- this is, from other people's germs -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The variation is based on the 19th…
“My goldfish are named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Blues, and Altered” (joke)
A music joke was posted by Ellynne Rey to Gigs from Hell (Funny Gig Stories) on Facebook on October 20, 2019: "My goldfish are named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Blues, and Altered. I…
“Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot”
"Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "@AnnoyedGrlProb:…
“Home is where you trust the toilet seat”
"Home is where you trust the toilet seat" -- this is, from other people's germs -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The variation is based on the 19th…
“Coffee helps me person. Personing is hard without caffeine”
"Coffee helps me person. Personing is hard without caffeine" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "Coffee helps me person" (An image is shown from…
“Got up this morning and ran around the block 5 times. Then I got tired, so I picked up the block”
"Got up this morning and ran around the block 5 times. Then I got tired, so I picked up the block and put it back in the toy box" -- that is, it's a toy block (such as a Lego) and…
“You know your life is boring when you only wear work clothes and bed clothes”
"You know your life is boring when you only wear work clothes and bed clothes" is a saying that has been printed on many images. “You know your life is boring when you only wear work…
“I’ve decided to start calling my toilet Jim instead of John. I go to the Jim every morning”
"Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim. That way it sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing this morning" is a jocular gym saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim. That way it sounds better when I say I went to the Jim”
"Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim. That way it sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing this morning" is a jocular gym saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot”
"Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot" -- that is, take your foot off the gas pedal -- is a saying that has been printed on several images. "All in favor of…
“You never realize how bumpy a road is until you try to take a drink of something”
A bumpy road and a drink are a bad combination. "You never realise how bumpy a road is, until you go to take a drink of water without a straw.. #epicfail" was posted on Twitter by Racine…
“It’s impossible to run with a backpack without looking like an idiot”
Many students try to run with a backpack, but it's often not successful."Has anyone in history figured out a way to run with a backpack on without looking like an idiot?" was posted…