“My phone autocorrected killed to kilt. Well plaid, phone. Well plaid”
A joke about auto-correction was posted on Twitter by Shari VanderWerf on May 15, 2010: "My phone autocorrected killed to kilt. Well plaid, phone. Well plaid." TwitterShari…
Archive for 07/2018
“People who invented internet never would have gotten around to doing it if they’d had internet”
The internet distracts many people from doing other work. "The people who invented the internet never would have got around to doing it if they'd had the internet" is a jocular line…
“Paperclip: the staple for people with commitment issues”
"Paperclip: the staple for people with commitment issues" is a jocular saying about office supplies that has been printed on several images. "Just read that the paper clip . . . . is…
“How do you begin a politically incorrect joke?”/“President Ben Franklin walks into a bar…’”
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) was a founding father, but he never became president. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on July 6, 2017: Q: How do you begin a politically incorrect joke?A:…
“Father’s Day is just like Mother’s Day, only cheaper”
The Dennis the Menace comic strip by Hank Ketcham (1920-2001), on June 14, 1952, had Dennis tell his friend Joey a now-classic observation about Father's Day: "Father's Day? Well,…
“Give your co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails”
Some employees give their co-workers the "silent treatment" -- they don't talk to them. "Giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails" is a jocular…
“If I had $1,000,000, I’d donate a quarter of it to charity. Then I’ll have $999,999.75”
A joke about the meaning of "a quarter" has been printed on several images. The joke originated on the Sickipedia website and was posted on Twitter on November 7, 2011: "I won $2…
“Sore. The most satisfying feeling”
"Sore. The most satisfying feeling" is an exercise saying that has been printed on many images. "Sore, The most satisfying pain" is a similar saying. TwitterKyy@kurlykyyBeing…
“My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive. I took her to the gas station”
There are several jokes about high gas prices. "My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night. I took her to the gas station" is a joke that has been printed on many…
“The first submarine sandwich shop opened in 1898, but the store went under”
A company that’s bankrupt and closes is said to have “gone under” (as if buried). There are several submarine ("sub") sandwich shop jokes. "The inventor of the submarine…
“I’d rather let someone see me naked than parallel park”
Many people find that parallel parking is difficult. "I'd rather let someone see me naked than parallel park" is a saying that has been printed on an image. "I'd rather…
Lasting Eye Damage (“LED” backronym)
"LED" usually stands for "light-emitting diodes." Many computer screens are LED screens. Joe Imbriano, of The Fullerton Informer YouTube channel, said on a July 3, 2018 video…
“Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym…” (joke)
Canadians have a reputation for saying "sorry" and "eh." "'So sore, eh.' - Some Canadian who's a little funny" was posted on Twitter on December 8,…
Qtard (QAnon + retard)
"QAnon" refers to an anonymous person who has "Q" clearance (a high U.S. security clearance) and who shares some of this classified information on the internet. Some people have…
“Eat whatever you want, and if someone lectures you about your weight, eat them too”
"Eat whatever you want, and if anyone/someone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them too" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Diet ideas: Eat…
“15 years ago the internet was an escape from the real world”
The internet is often compared to the "real world." Noah Smith posted an observation on Twitter on August 28, 2017 that immediately went viral: "15 years ago, the internet was an…
“Where do shellfish go to borrow money?”/“The prawn broker.”
"Prawn" sounds to some like "pawn." A riddle has been cited in print since at least 2001: Q: Where do shellfish go to borrow money?A: The prawn broker. “How could the dolphin…
“A movie ticket for baby should cost at least $50”
Many people can't stand crying babies at the movies. "A movie ticket for baby should cost at least $50" -- that is, an expensive price to discourage parents from taking babies to the…
“How much of the cake did the sword want?”/“Just a slice.”
A cake riddle is: Q: How much of the cake did the sword want?A: Just a slice. The riddle was posted on Twitter by Sagittarius on November 1, 2017. TwitterSagittarius@Otoya808@dadtellsjokes How much…
“How long have you been chopping wood for?”/“I’m not sure, I’ll check the logs.”
A time pun was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on June 11, 2016: "How long have you been chopping wood for?""I'm not sure, I'll check the logs." The joke was posted on…