“What did the hamburger say when it pleaded ‘not guilty’?”/“I’ve been flamed!”
A hamburger riddle is: Q: What did the hamburger say when it pleaded "not guilty"?A: "I've been flamed!" The hamburger joke has been cited in print since at least 1978.…
Archive for 05/2017
“How do you make a hamburger laugh?”/“Pickle it gently.”
A hamburger riddle is: Q: How do you make a hamburger laugh/smile?A: Pickle it gently. The hamburger joke has been cited in print since at least 1978. “How do you make a cheeseburger…
“What good does it do to be able to eat at a lunch counter if you can’t buy a hamburger?”
American minister and civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968), referencing the restaurant sit-ins for civil rights, was reported calling for economic justice in a United Press…
“Rule #1 to working out: Never skip Monday”
"Rule #1 to working out: Never skip Monday" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Never skip Monday workouts. It gets your week started off the right way. I'm glad…
“Music picks you up from where people leave you”
"Music picks you up from where people leave you" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by Lazy Perfectionist on December 17, 2016.…
“Why are computers always hungry?”/“Because they can only eat microchips.”
There have been many puns about computers, bytes and (micro)chips. One riddle was printed in a 1990 newspaper: Q: What did the hungry computer eat at snacktime?A: Chips, one byte at a time. Another…
“What do vegans say during sex?”/“Artichoke me.”
People who like to eat artichokes don't necessarily like choking, but there have been several vegan sex jokes. "Kinky vegan: 'artichoke me daddy'" was posted on Twitter on…
“The fork spooned the knife, so the spoon knifed the fork”
"The fork spooned the knife, so the spoon knifed the fork" is a jocular, pun-filled saying about cutlery. The joke was posted on Twitter on November 23, 2013 and originated in The Tiny…
“If I had a dollar for every time someone said I was racist…” (joke)
A politically incorrect joke is: "If I had a dollar for every time someone said I was racist, a black guy would rob me." "If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a racist…
“Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair”
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair" is a jocular saying about getting along with others (such as co-workers) that has been printed on many images. "You…
“In America, you can always find a party. In Russia, the party always finds you”
Soviet-born American comedian Yakov Smirnoff told a popular "Russian reversal" joke about the Soviet Union: In America, you can always find a party. In (Soviet) Russia, Party always finds…
“My college graduation was in an arena, and it was hot in there, like 5,000 degrees”
Many college graduations are held inside in arenas, where over 1,000 degrees may be handed out. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on May 26, 2017: "My college graduation was held inside the…
“We’re all just kids posing as professionals, counting the days until Friday”
"We’re all just kids posing as professionals, counting the days until Friday" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder”
Google Images is a collection of images by the Google search engine. The top images are usually the most relevant. A popular joke is: "Google image results are like a party that starts off…
“Water your mind to grow your soul”
"Water your mind to grow your soul" is an educational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on June 26, 2016 and probably originated on The Minds…
“What do you call an atheist business?”/“A non-prophet organization.”
"Prophet" is sometimes used in business puns for the word "profit." "Atheism is a non-prophet organization" is a joke that has been cited in print since at least 1988.…
“What is a customary greeting from a cannibal?”/“He presents you with a handshake.”
A "handshake" is very different from a "milk shake," but there have been several cannibal jokes. "Why did Jeffrey Dahmer keep a blender on his porch? So he could greet…
“I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage, but I can park anywhere”
UPS delivery drivers get plenty of parking tickets, but the vehicles are still often parked where regular cars cannot. A joke is: "I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage, but I can…
“I’ve studied Basic Human Anatomy so much that I know it like the back of my hand”
To "know something like the back of one's hand" is to know it very well. A student joke applies this expression to a human anatomy test. "Going to Anatomy. I know this like the…
“Why is American beer served cold?”/“So you can tell it from urine.”
A European joke about American beer is: Q: Why is American beer served cold?A: So you can tell it from urine. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1991. David Moulton has been credited…