“No one ever injured their eyesight by looking on the bright side”
"No one ever injured their eyesight by looking on the bright side of things" is a one-line motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "But few people impair their…
Archive for 05/2017
“What does the military use acid for?”/“To neutralize the enemy base.”
A chemistry joke is: Q: What does the military use acid for?A: To neutralize the enemy base. The military riddle was posted on Twitter on July 28, 2016. TwitterPuns @TheFunnyWorIdDead…
“If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks…” (joke)
"If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks, then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m quite busy”
"It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm quite busy" is jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "It might look like…
“What do you call a funny fortune cookie?”/“An inside joke.”
A fortune cookie riddle is: Q: What do you call a funny fortune cookie?A: An inside joke. The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on May 25, 2017. Wikipedia: Fortune cookieA fortune cookie is a…
Backpack Journalism; Backpack Journalist
"Backpack journalism" describes a reporter ("backpack journalist") who uses new technology -- often placed in a backpack -- to be a reporter, photographer and videographer, all…
“Believing in yourself is the first secret to success”
"Believing in yourself is the first secret to success" is a one-line motivational saying that has been printed on many images. American essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), lecturing…
“Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice”
"Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on August 1, 2011. Twitter barbara…
“Don’t be yourself. Be a pizza. Everyone loves pizza”
"Don’t be yourself. Be a pizza. Everyone loves pizza" is a jocular pizza saying that has been printed on several images. YouTube personality PewDiePie (Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg)…
“Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it”
A joke about cured meats is: "Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it." "So smoking will kill you... bacon will kill you... but will smoking bacon…
“Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?”
These have been chess jokes involving a pawn shop. "You can buy a used chess set in a pawn shop" was printed in the Washington (DC) Post in 1974. Yes, maybe you can buy a chess set in a…
“I passed my physical exam! But I only got a C in Hepatitis”
"Hepatitis C" is not a grade, but there are jokes. "I just took an STD test and I got a C in Hepatitis" was posted on Twitter on May 27, 2011. "I was always a C student so…
“Don’t worry about what I’m doing. Worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing”
"Don't worry about what I'm doing. Worry about why you're worried about what I'm doing" is a "mind your own business" saying that has been printed on many…
“Some people say I have a bad attitude. I say screw them!”
"Some people say I have a bad attitude. I say fuck/screw them!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "People say I have a bad attitude... I say F*CK…
“I like to play chess with old men in the park…although it’s hard to find 32 of them”
There is a difference between playing chess against people and playing chess with people (for example, human chess pieces). American stand-up comedian Emo Philips said in a November 2009 interview:…
“Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king”
American poet, writer and critic Mark Van Doren (1894-1982) was a professor of English at Columbia University for nearly 40 years, and taught many students who would later be famous writers. Van…
“No one in history has ever choked to death from swallowing his pride”
"When you've done something wrong, admit it and be sorry. No one in history has ever choked to death from swallowing his pride" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing”
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing" is a jocular one-line saying about chess that has been printed on many images. Philips told the joke in Emo…
“I like to play chess with old men in the park…although it’s hard to find 32 of them”
There is a difference between playing chess against people and playing chess with people (for example, human chess pieces). American stand-up comedian Emo Philips said in a November 2009 interview:…
“After winning, I threw the ball into the crowd. Apparently, that’s unacceptable in bowling”
"After winning the match, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like they do on TV. Apparently, it's unacceptable in bowling" is a jocular one-line sports saying that was…