“The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless”
Saint Nicholas (sometimes called Santa Claus) had a pun on his name cited in 2006: "Does Santa have any money?""No. That's why they call him St. Nickeless!" A pun went…
Archive for 01/2016
“A vulture with two dead raccoons tries to board. ‘Sorry, only one carrion is allowed’”
Flight attendants often ask about "carry-on" luggage, and there's a pun: "A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at it and says,…
“He wears glasses during math because it improves division”
A popular math pun on the word "division" is: "He wears glasses during math because it improves division." The joke has been cited in print since at least 2001. Google Groups:…
Lack Toast And Taller Ant or Lack Toast In Toddler Ant (lactose intolerant)
"Lactose intolerant" is sometimes jocularly called "lack toast and tolerant." "Big Mistake of the Day: ...lack toast and tolerant ..." was cited in print in 1997.…
“Why do crabs never give to charity?”/“Because they’re shellfish.”
"Shellfish" sounds like "selfish," prompting the pun: Q: Why do crabs/lobsters/oysters never give to charity?A: Because they're shellfish. "You know why clams keep…
“Rest in peace, boiling water. You will be mist”
"RIP boiled/boiling water. You will be mist" is a jocular saying tha has been printed on many images. "Good bye, boiling water. You'll be mist" was cited on Twitter on May…
“Roommates say I steal a kitchen utensil, but it’s a whisk I’m willing to take”
For those who weally, weally weplace "r" with "w" in their speech, the following joke was cited on Twitter on February 17, 2010: "Thinking about robbing a kitchen. Might…
“A gymnast walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." "A gymnast walks into a bar, and is rendered hors de combat" was cited on Twitter…
“Don’t drink with ghosts. They can’t handle their boos”
"Boos" sounds like "booze," prompting the pun: "Don't drink with ghosts. They can't handle their boos." The joke has been cited on Twitter since December 9,…
Makers and Takers
Entry in progress -- B.P. The Wall Street JournalCOMMENTARYA Better Way Up From PovertyI've learned I was wrong to talk about 'makers and takers.' We have to do more to unwind the…
“Money frees you from doing things you dislike”
The Associated Press reported about New York-born comedian and actor and You Bet Your Life game show host Groucho Marx (1990-1997) during a visit to New York City in March 1958, when Marx said:…
“Long ago, men cursed and beat the ground with sticks…today, it’s called golf”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Google Books20,000 Quips & QuotesBy Evan EsarNew York, NY: Barnes & Noble Books1995, ©1968Pg. 350:In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with…
“What is small, red and whispers?”/“A hoarse radish.”
A popular joke about horseradish is: Q: What is small, red and whispers?A: A hoarse radish. The joke was cited in he newsgroup uk.rec.gardening in 1997. Google Groups: uk.rec.gardeningGardening…
“I moved into a bungalow. I wanted a house, but that’s another story”
A "story" ("storey" in the United Kingdom) is another floor of a building. One joke is: "I moved into a bungalow recently. Was going to move into a house, but that's…
Rapefugee (rape + refugee)
The European migrant crisis of 2015 saw European countries admit many refugees. News of these refugees committing rapes resulted in the name "rapefugee" (rape + refugee).…
“No sweet without sweat”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Google BooksA Dictionary English, German and French (Third Edition)By Christian LudwigLeipzig: Printed for John Frederick Gleditsch1763Pg. 873:No sweet without sweat, ...…
“When you see snow, go slow” (winter driving adage)
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterPerth County Roads@PerthCoRoadsWind has picked up again and causing some drifting problems. These drifted areas can be slippery. If you see snow...go slow.3:26…
“Money isn’t the most important thing. Love is. Fortunately, I love money”
"Money isn't the most important thing. Love is. Fortunately, I love money" is a joke that has been credited to American stand-up comedian Jackie Mason (1928-2021). His "My…
“Where do poor meatballs live?”/“In the spaghetto.”
A popular joke about spaghetti and meatballs is: Q: Where do poor meatballs live?A: In the spaghetto. The joke was cited on Twitter on October 31, 2012 and went viral in January 2013. TwitterSamuel…
“A gymnast walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." "So a nearsighted gymnast walks into a bar" was cited in March 2010. "So a…