“Two peanuts were walking down the street—one was assaulted” (joke)
"Two peanuts were walking down the street -- one was assaulted" ("assaulted" is a pun on "a salted" peanut) is a joke that has been published on many websites.…
Alphebetical for "t"
“Two penguins walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A penguin version is: "Two penguins walk into a bar, and the bartender says,…
“Two people lectured me on brown bread. I think they’re Hovis witnesses”
Hovis is a British bread company. There's a joke that puns "Hovis" with "Jehovah" (of Jehovah's Witnesses): "Two women knocked at my door and started preaching to…
“Two quotation marks ‘walk into’ a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A quotation mark version is: "Two quotation marks 'walk into' a bar."…
“Two random variables were talking in a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A math version is: "Two random variables were talking in a bar. They thought they were…
“Two reasons we don’t trust people: 1. We don’t know them, 2. We know them”
"Two reasons we don't trust people: 1. We don't know them, 2. We know them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. This saying -- by an anonymous author --…
“Two reasons why I don’t give money to homeless people…” (joke)
A comment about giving money to homeless people was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on February 26, 2017: "2 reasons why I don't give money to homeless people:1. They need money for drugs.2. I…
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one with a Starbucks drive-thru”
American poet Robert Frost (1874-1963) wrote in the poem "The Road Not Taken" (1916): "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all…
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one with a Starbucks drive-thru”
American poet Robert Frost (1874-1963) wrote in the poem "The Road Not Taken" (1916): "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all…
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one with tacos”
American poet Robert Frost (1874-1963) wrote in the poem "The Road Not Taken" (1916): "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all…
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one with tacos”
American poet Robert Frost (1874-1963) wrote in the poem "The Road Not Taken" (1916): "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all…
“Two rules for this heat: 1. Drink a lot of water, 2. Watch how you talk to me”
"Two rules for this heat: 1. Drink a lot of water, 2. Watch how you talk to me" is a saying that has been printed on many images. This means that conversations can get heated as well.…
“Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay out of mine”
"Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay out of mine" (or "Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay the fuck out of mine" or "Two rules of business: 1. Mind…
“Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay the fuck out of mine”
"Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay out of mine" (or "Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay the fuck out of mine" or "Two rules of business: 1. Mind…
“Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay the hell outta mine”
"Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay out of mine" (or "Two rules of business: 1. Mind your own 2. Stay the fuck out of mine" or "Two rules of business: 1. Mind…
“Two seasons—winter and August”
"This place has only two seasons -- winter and August" (or "winter and the Fourth of July") is said of any place that has a very long winter season. "We have but two…
“Two sewing machines walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version involving two sewing machines was posted on Twitter by Fenella Kernebone on…
“Two sheep from Boston walk into a baaaaaaa” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A sheep version is: "Two sheep from Boston walk into a baaaaaaa." The sheep were…
“Two sheep walk into a baaaaaa” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A sheep version is: "Two sheep walk into a baaaaaa." "Two sheep walk into a…
“Two sheep walk into a New York City pizzeria…” (joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A sheep version is: "Two sheep walk into a baaaaaa." "Two sheep walk into a…