“Two sheep walk into a pub…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A sheep version is: "Two sheep walk into a baaaaaa." "Two sheep walk into a…
Alphebetical for "t"
“Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie”
A popular "tie" pun is: "Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie." The silkworm joke has been cited in print since at least 1975. Google BooksComputers and…
“Two slices of bread got married. The ceremony was going quite well until someone decided to toast”
"If slices of bread got married, chaos might ensue at the wedding reception when the best man says, 'i'd like to make a toast.' #ScottBlick" was posted on Twitter by…
“Two things are important in politics: The first is money and I can’t remember the second”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Mark HannaMarcus Alonzo Hanna (September 24, 1837 – February 15, 1904), best known as Mark Hanna, was an American industrialist and Republican politician from…
“Two things to make your day better: 1. Do not watch the news. 2. Stay off the bathroom scales”
Some helpful advice was posted on Facebook by Lisa Harris Tucker on June 26, 2020: "Two things to makeyour day better1. Do not watch the news.2. Stay off the bathroom scales."…
“Two types of people: People who think the government is looking out for their best interest…”
"There are two types of people in this world. People who think the government is looking out for their best interest, and people who think" is a saying that has been printed on many…
“Two vampires walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A vampire version is: "Two vampires walk into a bar. 'I'll have a pint of…
“Two whales walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A whale version has been printed on many images: "Two whales walk into a bar. The…
“Two wings of the same bird of prey”
It has frequently been said that the Democratic Party (left wing) and the Republican Party (right wing) are "two wings of the same bird of prey." Both parties need campaign money and both…
“Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel test…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A joke about the Bechdel test is: "Two women walk into a bar, and talk about the…
“Two words on how to pitch—throw strikes” (baseball saying)
The old baseball saying is that pitching can be summed up in two words -- "throw strikes." Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda is said to have advised a trouble pitcher on the mound…
“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two margaritas usually do”
"Two wrongs don't make a/it right, but two margaritas usually do" is a margarita saying that has been printed on many images. "Two wrongs don't make a right. But two…
“Two wrongs don’t make it right, but two margaritas usually do”
"Two wrongs don't make a/it right, but two margaritas usually do" is a margarita saying that has been printed on many images. "Two wrongs don't make a right. But two…
“Two zombies were at a graduation party. One asked, ‘How was the grad you ate?’”
"Graduate" is sometimes written as "grad u ate" or "grad you ate." "What movie was based on the memoirs of a college cannibal? A: The Grad u ate" -- a pun on…
“Two-out hits will get you to heaven” (baseball adage)
Two-out hits in baseball help extend an inning (and the game, if it's the ninth and final inning). "Two-out hits will get you (in)to heaven" is a baseball adage that emphasizes how…
“Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate?” (cheer)
"Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate?" is a popular cheer. This related counting-out rhyme was printed in the Aberdeen (Scotland), Journal on March 11, 1880: "Ane, twa,…
“Tyler and Texas!”
President John Tyler tried to form a new party of Democratic Republicans, using "Tyler and Texas!" as its slogan. Tyler's Texas annexation treaty was rejected by the Senate, 35-16,…
“Tyranny is defined as that which is legal for the government but illegal for the citizenry”
"Tyranny is defined as that which is legal for the government but illegal for the citizenry" is a saying that has been printed on many images. It has been credited to American statesman,…
“Tyranny is never invincible”
Nearly two million people protested in Hong Kong on June 16, 2019 against an extradition bill to send people from Hong Kong to mainland China for legal proceedings. A large protest sign stated:…
“Tyranny is that which is legal for the government but illegal for the citizenry”
"Tyranny is defined as that which is legal for the government but illegal for the citizenry" is a saying that has been printed on many images. It has been credited to American statesman,…