“Today I’m having a vision problem. I can’t see myself doing anything at all”
"I'm having a vision problem today. I can't see myself doing much" and "Today I'm having a vision problem. I can't see myself doing anything at all" are…
Alphebetical for "t"
“Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have four stomachs…” (joke)
Gray's Anatomy is an English written textbook of human anatomy that was originally written by Henry Gray. Grey's Anatomy is an American medical drama television series that premiered on…
“Today is a gift—that’s why it’s called the present”
"Today is a gift -- that's why it's called the present" has been cited in print since at least 1993 and possibly originated on a Hallmark greeting card. The newspaper comic…
“Today is April Fools’ Day. Believe nothing and trust no one. Just like any other day” (April 1)
"Today/Tomorrow is April Fools' Day. Believe nothing and trust no one. Just like any other day" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "RT @CallMeeDaddyy Tomorrow is…
“Today is International Women’s Day” (joke)
International Women's Day is on March 8th; a Women's Day was celebrated in New York City on February 28, 1909. A joke has been printed on several images: "Today is International…
“Today is like coffee. It will be as good as you make it”
"Today is like coffee. It will be as good as you make it" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Today is like coffee, it will be as good as you make it! #motivation…
“Today is one of those days where even my coffee needs coffee”
"Today is one of those days where even my coffee needs coffee" is a jocular one-line coffee saying that has been printed on several images. "Even my coffee needs coffee this…
“Today is the day I’m going to give it my SOME”
"Today I am going to give it my some" (or "Today I'm going to give it my some") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The usual saying would be,…
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday..”
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday, and look how that turned out" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Google Groups:…
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life”
Entry in progress -- BP Wikiquote: TodayQuotesToday is the first day of the rest of your life.. Attributed to Charles Dederich by The Washington Post (December 10, 1978), p. C5. He was the founder…
“Today my car clock is right again. My patience has finally paid off”
"Today my car clock is right again. My patience has finally paid off" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker never changed the car clock an hour…
“Today we march, tomorrow we vote”
"Today we march, tomorrow we vote" was chanted at United States immigration reform protests on May 1, 2006. Many of the marchers said the slogan in Spanish -- "Hoy Marchamos, Mañana…
“Today, I found a penny. It reminded me of you” (joke)
"Today, I found a penny. It reminded me of you -- worthless and found in everyone's pants" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Found a penny on the ground today and…
“Today, I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. Then she noticed me, so we went for a run”
A joke about going for a walk -- then a run -- was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 22, 2019: "Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. Then she noticed me so we went for a run."…
“Today, I will be as useless as the ‘g’ in lasagna”
"Today, I will be as useless as the 'g' in lasagna" -- an Italian food word where the letter is silent -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "You're as…
“Today, I woke up and realized my muffin top has become a pound cake”
"My muffin top is now a pound cake" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker has gone from fat in the middle (muffin top) to fat all around (pound cake).…
“Today, someone told me that I look good with a salt-and-pepper beard. I took that as a condiment”
“He said, ‘You remind me of a pepper pot.’ I said, ‘I’ll take that as a condiment’” is a joke that has been told by many British comedians. There are other condiment variations.…
“Today’s advice: Sing Christmas carols at work until they send you home”
"Today's advice: Sing Christmas carols/songs at work until they send you home" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. That is, maybe the boss will be in the…
“Today’s advice: Sing Christmas songs at work until they send you home”
"Today's advice: Sing Christmas carols/songs at work until they send you home" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. That is, maybe the boss will be in the…
“Today’s American Dream is to be left the fuck alone”
The American dream is "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, the Declaration of Independence states. To many people, the American dream is simply to be left alone, free of government…