“The worst spread for a bagel has to be the pap shmear”
A "pap smear" has nothing to do with a "schmear" (or "shmear"), but there are jokes. Sometimes the "pap" stands for "papaya," "paprika"…
Alphebetical for "t"
“The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is that you usually have to eat them”
"The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is that you usually have to eat them" is a jocular line about cooking. "The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen (says Franklin…
“The worst thing about an apple addiction is that you can’t see a doctor about it”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away” is an old saying. "Ironically, I've now got to see a doctor about my apple addiction!" was posted on Twitter by Richard White on April 16,…
“The worst thing about censorship is—”
"The worst thing about censorship is -- " -- the last part is blacked out -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. The censorship saying has been cited in print since at least…
“The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses”
Many people have difficulty parallel parking -- and they'd prefer that no one watch them do it. "The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses" is a jocular saying that was…
“The worst thing about running the Chinese Marathon? Hitting the Wall”
Marathon runners often suffer from fatigue and hit "the wall," but it's usually not the Great Wall of China. "I'v just got home after taking part in the Chinese Marathon.…
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades”
"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. It's not known who first told the joke. New York…
“The X is silent. It’s still pronounced Twitter”
The name of "Twitter" (an American microblogging and social networking service) was changed to "X" in 2023, but many people still call it Twitter. "xtwitter (the x is…
“Theater is a verb before it is a noun, an act before it is a place”
"Theater is a verb before it is a noun, an act before it is a place" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is credited to American modern dancer and choreographer…
“Theatre is life, film is art, and television is furniture”
"Theatre is life, cinema/film is art, and television is furniture" is an aphorism frequently used in the entertainment world. The saying has been put on T-shirts since at least January…
“Their plan for a paperless office looked good, on paper”
To "look good on paper" means to look good in theory, but not necessarily in practice. The phrase doesn't always involve actual paper, but there are jokes. "The 'Paperless…
“Them awkward days between Christmas and New Year when you don’t know what day it is”
"That bit between Christmas and New Year where you don’t know what day it is, who you are or what you’re suppose(d) to be doing" is a jocular end-of-year saying that has been printed…
“Them DoorDash prices make u wanna walk and get yo own food”
DoorDash delivery brings food to a customer's door. People like the convenience, but not the prices. This was posted on X/Twitter by RELL⭕️ on August 24, 2020: "DoorDash be like...…
“Them DoorDash prices make you look in the kitchen a few more times”
DoorDash delivery brings food to a customer's door. People like the convenience, but not the prices. This was posted on X/Twitter by RELL⭕️ on August 24, 2020: "DoorDash be like...…
“Them that has, gets”
"Them that has, gits" was mentioned in a Boston (MA) Record anecdote in 1885. Two women were chatting, and one said that the Biblical Sarah was left a lot of money. The other woman…
“Them: ‘Mandatory buy back’ Me: How can you buy back something that never belonged to you?”
A government "gun buyback program" is a misnomer, since the government is buying the guns of private citizens and not "buying them back." "How can you 'buy back'…
“Them: A ring of salt will protect you from evil. Me: *fixes margarita*”
Some people believe in magic circles. "A ring of salt will protect you" (or "A circle of salt will protect you") has been printed on many images. "A ring of salt will…
“Them: Are you an early bird or a night owl? Me: I’m more of a tired afternoon duck”
"I'm not an early bird or a night owl. I'm more of a tired afternoon duck" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm not an early bird and I'm not a…
“Them: Show me proof.” / “Me: *Sends proof*” / “Them: You’re a conspiracy theorist!”
"Them: Show me proof." / "Me: *Sends proof*" / "Them (with eyes covered, not looking at the proof): You're a conspiracy theorist!" is a meme that has been printed…
“Then you were a prospect and now you are a client” (joke)
A popular business joke shows the difference between sales promises and business reality. A man dies and is told that he can tour heaven and hell, and then choose which place to spend eternity. He…