“Their plan for a paperless office looked good, on paper”
To "look good on paper" means to look good in theory, but not necessarily in practice. The phrase doesn't always involve actual paper, but there are jokes. "The 'Paperless…
Alphebetical for "t"
“Them awkward days between Christmas and New Year when you don’t know what day it is”
"That bit between Christmas and New Year where you don’t know what day it is, who you are or what you’re suppose(d) to be doing" is a jocular end-of-year saying that has been printed…
“Them DoorDash prices make u wanna walk and get yo own food”
DoorDash delivery brings food to a customer's door. People like the convenience, but not the prices. This was posted on X/Twitter by RELL⭕️ on August 24, 2020: "DoorDash be like...…
“Them DoorDash prices make you look in the kitchen a few more times”
DoorDash delivery brings food to a customer's door. People like the convenience, but not the prices. This was posted on X/Twitter by RELL⭕️ on August 24, 2020: "DoorDash be like...…
“Them that has, gets”
"Them that has, gits" was mentioned in a Boston (MA) Record anecdote in 1885. Two women were chatting, and one said that the Biblical Sarah was left a lot of money. The other woman…
“Them: ‘Mandatory buy back’ Me: How can you buy back something that never belonged to you?”
A government "gun buyback program" is a misnomer, since the government is buying the guns of private citizens and not "buying them back." "How can you 'buy back'…
“Them: A ring of salt will protect you from evil. Me: *fixes margarita*”
Some people believe in magic circles. "A ring of salt will protect you" (or "A circle of salt will protect you") has been printed on many images. "A ring of salt will…
“Them: Are you an early bird or a night owl? Me: I’m more of a tired afternoon duck”
"I'm not an early bird or a night owl. I'm more of a tired afternoon duck" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm not an early bird and I'm not a…
“Them: Show me proof.” / “Me: *Sends proof*” / “Them: You’re a conspiracy theorist!”
"Them: Show me proof." / "Me: *Sends proof*" / "Them (with eyes covered, not looking at the proof): You're a conspiracy theorist!" is a meme that has been printed…
“Then you were a prospect and now you are a client” (joke)
A popular business joke shows the difference between sales promises and business reality. A man dies and is told that he can tour heaven and hell, and then choose which place to spend eternity. He…
“There are 1,013,913 words in the English language, but I could never put any of them together…”
"There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair" has been printed on…
“There are 10 genders. Because gender is binary”
Are there just two genders -- male and female -- or are there more? "There’s only 10 genders. Those who’s gender is binary, and those who’s gender isn’t" was posted on Twitter on…
“There are 12 days of Christmas. None of which are in fucking November”
Many people put up Christmas decorations early, such as in November. "There are twelve days of Christmas. None of which are in fucking November" is a saying that has been printed on many…
“There are 13 minerals that are essential to human life, and all of them are found in wine”
"There are 13 minerals that are essential to human life, and all of them are found in wine. Coincidence? I think not!" is a wine saying that has been printed on many images. The saying…
“There are 2 levels of clean in my house. 1. Not clean. 2. It’s better than it was”
A joke about cleaning the house was posted on X/Twitter by "Late to the party Laura" on May 18, 2022, and received over 2,600 likes: "There are 2 levels of clean in my house. 1. Not…
“There are 3 useless things in this world—a dull knife, an unloaded gun & liberals”
"There are 3 useless things in this world -- a dull knife, an unloaded gun & liberals" is a political saying that has been printed on many images. "There's two useless…
“There are a thousand ways to lose a horse race and only one way to win”
"There are a thousand ways to lose a horse race and only one way to win" is an old horse racing adage. "Jim Fitzsimmons has contended for many years that there are 1,500 ways to lose…
“There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough..”
"There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair" has been printed on…
“There are better things in the world than alcohol, but alcohol sort of compensates”
English author Terry Pratchett (1948-2015) wrote in Death's Domain (1999), in a conversation between Albert and Death: Death: AH, ALCOHOL.Albert: 'Yes, sir.'Death: THERE ARE BETTER…
“There are but two parties now, traitors and patriots”
"There are but two parties now: traitors and patriots" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "There can be but two parties -- patriots and traitors" (datelined from…