“Pheidippides walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A marathon runner variation is: "A marathon runner walks into a bar. The bartender…
Alphebetical for "p"
“Philosophies are questions that may never be answered. Religions are answers…”
"Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown.…
“Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may not be questioned”
"Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown.…
“Philosophy is wondering if a Bloody Mary counts as a smoothie”
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad” is a popular saying. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a salad.…
“Philosophy majors ask why you want fries with that”
"Do you want fries with that?" is a popular question asked at many fast food restaurants. By extension, it's used in several jokes about liberal arts graduates who seemingly…
“Phoney as a three-dollar bill” (“Queer as a three-dollar bill”)
Three-dollar bills were printed by various states in the 1800s, but there has never been a U.S. three-dollar bill. There are U.S. one-dollar bills and U.S. two-dollar bills. "Rufe Davis…
“Photographers are violent people. First they frame you, then they shoot you”
"Photographers are violent people. First they frame you, then they shoot you, then they hang you on the wall" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“Pi Day is just a fake holiday created by math companies to sell more math”
"Pi Day is just a fake holiday created by math companies to sell more math" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Pi Day is March 14th (3/14), just as Pi is…
“Pibb Xtra is a poor man’s Dr Pepper”
The soft drink Mr. Pibb (originally introduced in the 1970s, and now called Pibb Xtra) has been compared to Dr Pepper (introduced in the 1880s). "Mr Pibb. pah. The poor man's Dr…
“Pick your poison” (“Choose your poison”)
Liquor was jocularly called "poison" in the 19th century. Bar patrons would select their "poison." "Nominate your poison" was cited in March 1864. "Name your…
“Picking up nickels in front of a steamroller”
"Picking up pennies/nickels/dimes/quarters in front of a bulldozer/steamroller" means steadily making investments for a small return, only to be eventually crushed (by a financial crash…
“Pickle juice isn’t juiced pickles”
You can squeeze and crush oranges to get orange juice, or apples to get apple juice, but pickle juice isn't from juiced pickles. "Yo where does pickle juice come from???" was posted…
“Pickles are just goth cucumbers”
Cacti and pickles have both been called "goth cucumbers." "Cactus is just a giant goth cucumber" was posted on Twitter by B0regasmic on May 17, 2015. "A cactus is just a…
“Pickpocket: that little pocket inside the right pocket on jeans that you put guitar picks in”
Many people put a guitar pick in their pocket, especially the small pocket in their jeans that was originally meant for a watch. "RETWEET if you use this pocket solely for guitar picks!…
“Pickup line to use at the hairdresser: ‘So, do you comb hair often?’”
"Do you comb hair often?" (a pun of "Do you come here often?") was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on November 19, 2000. "Do you comb hair often? @pokehq…
“Pico de gallo is just guacamole without avocado”
Pico de gallo usually contains chopped tomato, onion, cilantro, serrano peppers, salt and lime juice. Guacamole usually contains the same ingredients, plus avocado. "If I put avocado in pico…
“Pie in the sky”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Pie in the skyPie in the sky is a phrase that means a fanciful notion or ludicrous concept. It was apparently coined by Joe Hill in his song "The Preacher…
“Pie rates of Penn’s aunts” (pun)
The Pirates of Penzance; or, The Slave of Duty is a comic opera with music by Arthur Sullivan and libretto by W. S. Gilbert, opened at the Fifth Avenue Theatre in New York City on December 31,…
“Pie rates of Penn’s aunts” (pun)
The Pirates of Penzance; or, The Slave of Duty is a comic opera with music by Arthur Sullivan and libretto by W. S. Gilbert, opened at the Fifth Avenue Theatre in New York City on December 31,…
“Pie rates of the Caribbean” (pun)
"Pie Rates of the Caribbean" -- a pun on the Pirates of the Caribbean film series -- has been printed on many images. "Pie rates of the Caribbean. Rubbish. No pies" was posted…