“Me: How much for the goth cucumber? Clerk: That’s a cactus”
Cacti and pickles have both been called "goth cucumbers." "Cactus is just a giant goth cucumber" was posted on Twitter by B0regasmic on May 17, 2015. "A cactus is just a…
Alphebetical for "m"
“Me: I want to travel. Bank account: Where? To work?”
"Me: I want to travel. Bank account: Where? To work?" is a joke that has been printed on several images. The speaker is too poor to travel. "Me: I want to travel. Bank account:…
“Me: I’m sad. I need a purpose My brain: Did you say a purchase?”
"Me: I'm sad. I need a purpose My brain: Did you say a purchase?" has been printed on many images. This post on Twitter by dirt prince on August 9, 2018 received over 300,000 likes:…
“Me: I’m surprised at how winded I am by this workout. Personal Trainer: This was the tour of the gym.”
"Wow, Im so out of shape that Im winded just taking the tour of the gym!" was posted on X/Twitter by Chia (KAI-ya) on November 16, 2009. "I’m so out of shape, I got winded taking…
“Me: I’m impressed you got us court side seats. My lawyer: I hope they find you guilty”
Getting "court side seats" at a basketball court is usually very good. Getting "court side seats" at a court of law, at one's own trial, is not so good. This joke was…
“Me: Is it going to be hot or cold today? Texas: Yes”
Texas weather can be hot in the day and then get very cold at night, especially in the spring or the fall. Texas weather can also be hot or cold from one day to the next. "Is it going to be…
“Me: Is it gonna be hot or cold today? Texas: Yeah”
Texas weather can be hot in the day and then get very cold at night, especially in the spring or the fall. Texas weather can also be hot or cold from one day to the next. "Is it going to be…
“Me: It’s not about how many times you fall… Cop: That’s not how field sobriety tests work.”
"It's not about how many times you fall (get knocked down), it's about how many times you get back up" is an old saying. A joke on the saying was posted on Twitter by Henpecked…
“Me: One slice of the goth lasagna, please. Cashier: That’s chocolate cake”
A chocolate layer cake has sometimes been called "goth lasagna." "Me: One slice of the goth lasagna, please. Cashier: That's chocolate cake" is a jocular saying that has…
“Me: Runs for 2 mins. My heart: If you don’t stop, I will.”
For many people, their heart will tell them to stop running. For out-of-shape people, this message comes early. "Me: Runs for 2 mins / My heart: If you don’t stop I will 😩😩😩"…
“Me: Sorry I’m late. I broke down on the way to work. Boss: Is your car working fine now?”
"I broke down on the way to work" could mean the car broke down...or the employee broke down. "I broke down on the way to work the other day; I don't know what actually…
“Me: staying sober is easy with the power of prayer! Priest giving me communion for the 37th time this morning…”
Entry in progress -- BP Wikipedia: Eucharist The Eucharist (/ˈjuːkərɪst/ YOO-kər-ist; from Koinē Greek: εὐχαριστία, romanized: evcharistía, lit. 'thanksgiving'), also…
“Me: This meeting could’ve been an email. Also me: (gets an email) Goddammit.”
Many employees often feel that a company meeting could have been avoided with an email -- and then they're reminded that they don't like emails, either. This was posted on Twitter by Alex…
“Me: This show is boring. Boss: Again, this is a Zoom conference.”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic forced many people to work from home. Some companies used Zoom (a videotelephony and online chat service). For many workers, Zoom was a new experience. This joke…
“Me: What’s the wifi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.”
Many bars provide wifi access for customers, although some people use the wifi service and purchase little or nothing. A joke was posted on Twitter by Ian Sausage on March 11, 2018: Me: What's…
“Me: Will it be hot, cold, sunny or rainy today? Spring: Yes”
"Me: Will it be hot, cold, sunny or rainy today? Spring: Yes" (or "Me: Will it be warm, cold, rainy, snowy or windy today? Spring: Yes") is a jocular spring saying that has been…
“Me: Will it be warm, cold, rainy, snowy or windy today? Spring: Yes”
"Me: Will it be hot, cold, sunny or rainy today? Spring: Yes" (or "Me: Will it be warm, cold, rainy, snowy or windy today? Spring: Yes") is a jocular spring saying that has been…
“Me? Mature??! Ha! I still laugh when the ketchup bottle ‘farts’!”
"Me? Mature??! Ha! I still laugh when the ketchup bottle 'farts'!" is a jocular one-line saying about ketchup bottles that has been printed on many images. "At Red Robin…
“Mean tweets imply the existence of median tweets and mode tweets”
Twitter has sought to address online hate, as expressed in "mean tweets." This has nothing to do with the terms "mean," "median" and "mode," but there are…
“Mean without caffeine”
"Mean without caffeine" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images -- especially coffee mugs. "I get mean without caffeine" was printed in the book Then Comes…