A colander is a kitchen utensil used to strain foods. "My wife told me I was using the colander incorrectly, so she gave me a restraining order..." was posted on Twitter by…
A popular joke about a refrigerator is: "My wife left a note on the fridge that said 'This isn't working I'm going to my mom's.' I opened up the fridge. The light was…
Self-deprecating comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) supposedly got this put-down from his wife: "My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday." The joke has been cited…
"I wanted to make some Moroccan rolls for a party, but I found all my spices were out of date. I made them anyway and people loved them. Just proves the saying 'People love that old thyme…
Climbing stairs can be a challenge as people get older. "'Old' is when your wife says 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you reply, 'Honey, I can't do…
"Dear John letter" sounds a little like "Dijon letter." "We can assume that when a mustard heiress throws over her boyfriend she sends him a Dijon letter" was printed…
Ballpoint pens are called "biros" in the United Kingdom. "My 1st girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pens . I was heartbroken as she left all I could say was . Bye…
"Menstrual cycle" shouldn't be confused with "minstrel cycle," but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 9, 2020: "My wife rotates playing her…
"Dishlexia" (dish + dyslexia) was entered in the Urban Dictionary on June 2, 2007. "Dishlexic" (dish + dyslexic) was entered in the Urban Dictionary on November 23, 2010.…
"My family/husband/wife says I talk in my sleep, but nobody at work has ever mentioned it" -- that is, the speaker sleeps at work -- is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many…
Some people think everything in life is a game. A joke was posted on the Birmingham (UK) Mail on November 28, 2014: "'Why does everything have to be a game with you?' snapped my…
"My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter by Just Bill on December 21, 2016. The saying has been printed…
"My wife suffers from a drinking problem..." is the start of a joke that has been printed on several images. The joke is that the husband drinks, but the wife suffers from the problem.…
Microsoft Windows should not be confused with the windows of a house, but there are jokes. "Wife to hubby at work:Windows frozen what shall I do? Hubby:Spray de-icer or hot water on them Wife:…
A sausages joke has been cited in print since at least 1978: Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too. Patient: Good, you…
Spiritual growth and physical growth are different, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on January 19, 2021: "My wife told me I’ve grown as a person. Her actual word…
Some people find spiders in their homes, but don't like to kill the spiders -- preferring to grab a spider and let it go free outside the house. A joke has been printed on many images:…
The word game of Scrabble has tiles of single letters. The pun "wooden letter" ("wouldn't let her") is sometimes made. "My mom thought she could beat me at Scrabble.…
A school crossing guard protects children from traffic. The crossing guard is not involved in "human trafficking," but there are jokes. "Just found out what 'human…
There are several jokes about high gas prices. "My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night. I took her to the gas station" is a joke that has been printed on many…