“I give in to beer pressure”
"I give in to beer pressure" -- a beer pun on "peer pressure" -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I give into peer pressure" is another form…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I give the eclipse one star”
How does one rate an eclipse? How many stars? "I score the eclipse, minus one star" was posted on Twitter on March 20, 2015. Reviewers of the August 21, 2017 solar eclipse were more…
“I go to the gym almost every day—almost Monday, almost Tuesday…”
"I go to the gym almost every day -- almost Monday, almost Tuesday..." is a joke spoken by someone who almost never goes to the gym. "I go to the gym almost every day. Almost Monday,…
“I go to the gym religiously. About twice a year around the holidays”
To do something "religiously" usually means to do it regularly and well -- to please God. However, not everyone is religious. "Tell people you go to the gym religiously When they…
“I go to work, I make my coworkers wonder what is wrong with me, and then I clock out”
"I go to work, I make my coworkers wonder what is wrong with me, and then I clock out" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I go to work, I make my coworkers wonder…
“I Googled the phrase ‘missing medieval servant.’ It came back with ‘Page not found’”
"Courtesy of @themiltonjones live tonight in St Albans: don't try googling 'lost medieval servant boy.' You'll get 'page not found'" was posted on Twitter by…
“I got a bill in the mail that said FINAL NOTICE. What a relief!”
"I got a bill in the mail that said FINAL NOTICE. What a relief!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker is happy not to be bothered again about…
“I got a bottle of scotch for my wife…” (joke)
New York-based comedian Henny Youngman (1906-1998) did a liquor commercial in 1972: “I got a case of Hoffman’s for my wife...that’s not a bad trade.” The line has had many variations.…
“I got a job at Comcast and completed training so I could fix my own cable…” (joke)
Customer service for a communications company such as Comcast or Spectrum can take a long time. A joke was posted on Twitter by Simon Holland on May 8, 2017: "I got a job at Comcast and…
“I got a job at Spectrum and completed training so I could fix my own cable…” (joke)
Customer service for a communications company such as Comcast or Spectrum can take a long time. A joke was posted on Twitter by Simon Holland on May 8, 2017: "I got a job at Comcast and…
“I got a job making plastic Draculas. Two of us work, so I have to make every second count”
To "make every second count" does not mean to "make every second Count Dracula," but there are jokes. "Bought a Dracula themed clock. Every second Count" was posted on…
“I got a new job at the guillotine factory. I’ll beheading there soon”
"beheading" sounds like "be heading." "Going to an interview at a guillotine factory. I'll beheading there soon, maybe!" was posted on Twitter by Jay Gonzales on…
“I got a rejection letter from the origami university today, I’m not sure what to make of it”
A joke about college rejection letters was posted on Twitter by "the name is Les" on November 18, 2018: "I got a rejection letter from the origami university today, I’m not sure…
“I got a sweater for Christmas, but I really wanted a screamer or a moaner”
"I got a sweater for Christmas, but I really wanted a screamer or a moaner" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The line was posted to the newsgroup…
“I got an apartment over a bank. Now my assets over 10 million dollars”
A money joke was told by The Unknown Comic (Murray Langston) on television's The Gong Show (1976-1980): "I got an apartment over a bank. Now my assets over 10 million dollars." The…
“I got an invite to a wedding that said ‘black tie only’” (joke)
An invitation stating "black tie only" means that men must wear a black tie, but not only a black tie. "I got an invite to a wedding that said 'black tie only'. But when I…
“I got arrested for studying abroad. Stalking is what the judge prefers to call it”
"Studying abroad" shouldn't be confused with "studying a broad," but there are jokes. "I got arrested for studying abroad. The police called it stalking" was…
“I got arrested for studying abroad. The police called it stalking”
"Studying abroad" shouldn't be confused with "studying a broad," but there are jokes. "I got arrested for studying abroad. The police called it stalking" was…
“I got arrested yesterday for stealing hay from a farmer. I’ve been refused bale”
"Bail" shouldn't be confused with "bale," but there are jokes. "I got arrested yesterday for stealing hay from a farmer. I’ve been refused bale" was posted on…
“I got booted from the coffee club because I wore a tea shirt”
"T-shirt" shouldn't be confused with "tea shirt," but there are jokes. "Got thrown out of Coffee Club. I turned up wearing a tea shirt" was posted on Twitter by…