"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine…

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it” is a jocular line that has been printed on posters and ecards. New York-based comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) used the joke by at least 1981.

Wikipedia: Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield (born Jacob Rodney Cohen, November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004) was an American comedian and actor, known for the catchphrase “I don’t get no respect!” and his monologues on that theme. He is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back to School.

2 May 1981, Seattle (WA) Times, “Dangerfield finally gets respect” by Patrick MacDonald, pg. B4, col. 3:
“I drink too much, I tell ya’. I gave my doctor a urine specimen. There was an olive in it.”

Google Books
The Fourth—and by Far the Most Recent—637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said
By Robert Byrne
New York, NY: Atheneum
1990
Pg. ?:
355
I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield

Google News Archive
6 June 1996, The Dispatch (Lexington, NC), “Trivia” by L. M. Boyd, pg. 8B, col. 1:
It was Rodney Dangerfield who said, “I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it”

Google Books
Laugh Twice and Call Me in the Morning
By Bruce Lansky
Minnetonka, MN: Meadowbrook Press; New York, NY: Distributed by Simon & Schuster
1999
Pg. 71:
I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it. — Rodney Dangerfield

Twitter
Porgy Tirebiter
‏@hiloecho
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
1:36 PM - 9 Sep 2007

Google Books
The Mammoth Book of Insults
Edited by Geoff Tibballs
New York, NY: Little, Brown Book Group
2011
Pg. ?:
The last time John Daly gavea urine sample, it had an olive in it. –- Argus Hamilton

Google Books
Quotes, Jokes & Anecdotes:
How to Spend Two Hours Chuckling
By Gerard O’Boyle
Leicestershire: Matador
2012
Pg. 10:
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield