“If you get corona virus twice, is it called Dos Equis?”
A coronavirus has nothing to do with Corona beer, but a joke was posted on Twitter by Zach Walsh (and others) on March 4, 2020: "If you get corona virus twice is it called Dos Equis??"…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If you get heartburn eating birthday cake, try taking the candles off”
Some people get heartburn eating birthday cake. A joke was posted on Twitter by Victoria Todd on July 29, 2010: Bob:"Doctor i get heartburn every time i eat cake"Doctor:"Next time…
“If you get in my car then congratulations, you’ve just won a free ticket to see me live in concert”
Many people sing while driving in a car. "If you get in my car then congratulations, you've just won a free ticket to see me live in concert" is a saying that has been printed on…
“If you get lost in the woods, find a possum and follow it. You’ll be in the middle of the road”
Possums are often found dead in the middle of the road. A joke was posted on Facebook by Dean Young on January 26, 2020: "If you get lost in the woodsFind a possom, follow it.You will be in…
“If you get sick in an airport, it might be terminal illness”
"I keep getting sick when I go to the Airport. I'm worried it might be Terminal" is an airport pun that was posted on Twitter on November 29, 2011. "If you get sick in an…
“If you give a homeless person counterfeit money, they will go to prison and no longer be homeless”
There are two memes about giving a homeless person counterfeit money. "Give a homeless person counterfeit money. They'll go to prison and no longer be homeless" (shown on an image)…
“If you give a weed an inch, it will take a yard”
"Give a weed an inch and it will take a yard" (or "If you give a weed an inch, it will take a yard") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. This is a…
“If you go far enough to the political left or right you end up in the same place”
Entry in progress -- B.P. The QandO BlogThe politics of Sheehan’s protestPosted by: McQ on Monday, August 15, 2005(...)COMMENTSFunny how the two on you are on the same side. I guess the old adage…
“If you Google something and can’t find it, there’s a 90% chance it doesn’t exist”
Many people believe that the search engine Google has the answer to just about everything. "If I google something and can't find it, it doesn't exist. Simple" was posted on…
“If you had fun, you won” (non-competitive sports)
"If you had fun, you won" is a sports saying that has been printed on many images. Participating in sports is often "winning." The saying is popular in scholastic sports…
“If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny…”
"If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for the rest of your life -- would you choose hard or soft tacos?" is a jocular line that has been printed on many…
“If you hang out in a barbershop long enough, you’re going to get a haircut”
"If you hang out in a barbershop long enough, you're going to get a haircut" is a saying used by Alcoholics Anonymous and similar recovery programs. If you hang around alcoholics (or…
“If you hate waking up on Mondays, change your job”
"If you hate Mondays, you should change your job" was cited on Twitter on June 15, 2009. "If Sunday doesnot excite you ... Change your Friends. | if Monday doesn't motivate you…
“If you have a dad, you really should be thanking him for bringing you into this world…”
"If you have a dad you really should be thanking him for bringing you into this world. Your mom probably wasn't even in the mood" is a jocular Father's Day saying that has been…
“If you have a donut in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face or shake hands”
During the 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic, people tried to avoid accidentally touching their face. "You know, if you keep a pie in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face" was…
“If you have a frownie, eat a brownie”
Eating brownies makes many people happy, and takes away the frowns (or "frownies"). "a brownie a day keeps the frownies away" -- similar to the proverb "an apple a day…
“If you have a message, call Western Union” (theatre adage)
Playwrights and screenwriters are often cautioned against sending a political message in their dramatic scripts; the public wants entertainment, not a lecture. "Not one of those…
“If you have a threesome, you have the recommended six feet between you”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused "social distancing," with people six feet away from one another. "The threesome put me within 6 feet of people #SoIHadToGetTested" was…
“If you have a wedding in Paris, does the best man give a French toast?”
The word "toast" can be misunderstood. "If you have a wedding in Paris, does the best man give a French toast?" was posted on Twitter by Alex Sanchez on January 15, 2012. This…
“If you have any bowling puns, spare me”
Several bowling puns use the expression "spare me." "Want to hear a joke about bowling? Spare me" was posted on Facebook by Jim Abbas on February 28, 2012. "Please, spare…