“If you eat manicotti with your feet, do they become pedicotti?”
There are manicures and there are pedicures. There is manicotti, but there is no pedicotti. "How about mani/pedicotti?" was posted on Twitter by Pwincess Chawwotte ✨ on July 9, 2014.…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If you eat Nerds and then AirHeads, do they cancel each other out?”
There are candies and sweets with names such as "Smarties" and "Dum Dums" and "AirHeads" and "Nerds." Do they cancel each other out? "Bought a bunch of…
“If you eat queso with a spoon, does it become cheese soup?”
Chile con queso is often served as an appetizer at Tex-Mex restaurants, used as a dip for tortilla chips. There is such a thing as queso soup, but this queso is a dip and not a soup. Some people…
“If you eat some weed, your taste buds taste buds”
"Taste buds taste bud. #weed" -- a seeming repetition of terms -- was posted on Twitter on November 5, 2012. "You smoke basic, my weed flavored, my taste buds taste bud" was…
“If you eat tacos fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re walking”
"If you eat cake/cookies/donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're jogging/walking" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I heard if you eat fast…
“If you eat today, thank a farmer. If it’s on your table, thank a trucker”
"If you eat today, thank a farmer. If you eat in peace, thank a veteran" is a saying that has been printed on many images. “If you ate today, thank a farmer” is a saying from the…
“If you eat today, thank a farmer. If you eat in peace, thank a veteran”
"If you eat today, thank a farmer. If you eat in peace, thank a veteran" is a saying that has been printed on many images. “If you ate today, thank a farmer” is a saying from the…
“If you eat too many Little Debbie cakes, you’ll become a Big Deborah”
Little Debbie snacks are addictive to many people. "If you eat too many Little Debbie cakes you gon turn into Big Debra" was posted on Twitter on November 11, 2011. "Eat too many…
“If you eat too many salted pretzels on Halloween, what happens the next day?”/“November thirst.”
A pretzel riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 5, 2016: Q: If you eat too many salted pretzels on Halloween, what happens the next day?A: November thirst. "November thirst" is…
“If you eat too much chorizo you’ll end up chorizontal”
"Chorizontal" (chorizo + horizontal) is a food portmanteau word that has appeared in several jokes. "'What type of land are chorizo factories built on?'…
“If you eat too much prison chili, you might lose your right to remain silent”
Many prisons serve chili. Some prison chili is quite good, such as the famous Dallas County Jail Chili (Texas Prison Chili). On the American comedy television program Most Extreme Elimination…
“If you educate a woman, you educate a nation”
"If you educate a woman, you educate a family/nation" is a much-cited education adage that has been credited to many people. Catherine Esther Beecher (1800-1878), an American educator,…
“If you elected a billionaire who’s appointing other billionaires to fix the system that made them billionaires, you must be a special kind of stupid”
"YOU ELECTED A BILLIONAIRE THAT IS APPOINTING OTHER BILLIONAIRES TO FIX THE SYSTEM THAT MADE THEM BILLIONAIRES? YOU'RE A SPECIAL KIND OF STUPID AREN'T YOU?" (shown on an image)…
“If you even dream of beating me, you’d better wake up and apologize”
"If you even dream of beating me, you'd better wake up and apologize" is a boxer's taunt that was popularized by Muhammad Ali (1942-2016). Ali said about competitor Joe Frazier…
“If you ever feel like giving up, just remember the last thing to grow on a fruit tree is the fruit”
"The last thing to grow on a fruit tree is the fruit" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "Not seeing results? Feel like giving up?…
“If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly because communication is key”
"Communication is key" is a saying; it doesn't refer to an actual key that opens locks, but there are jokes. "If communication is the key...we are locked out" was posted on…
“If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne, hit it with a ship”
Paul F. Taylor submitted this champagne bottle joke to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2009: "If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne. My advice, hit it with a ship. I've…
“If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne. My advice, hit it with a ship. I’ve seen people do that. It works”
A ship is often christened by breaking a sacrificial bottle of champagne over the bow. "If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne. My advice, hit it with a ship. I've seen…
“If you ever hear me order decaf coffee, I’ve been kidnapped and I’m trying to signal you”
"If you ever hear me order a decaf coffee, I've been kidnapped and I'm trying to signal you" is a jocular coffee saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics”
Politicians have been known to stretch the truth. "If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics" was written by American humorist Will Rogers (1879-1935) in his…