“If you drink like a fish, swim—don’t drive”
"If you drink like a fish, swim -- don't drive" is a popular bumper sticker. "If you drink like a fish, don't drive. swim" was cited in print in July 1959 and credited…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If you drink vodka & orange juice from the skull of a guy named Phil— Philip’s head screwdriver”
A screwdriver cocktail and a Phillips head screwdriver (a tool) are different things, but there are jokes. "If you drink vodka & orange juice from the skull of a guy named Phil, you have…
“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt”
American singer, actor and comedian Dean Martin (1917-1995) liked to drink and he liked to golf, and is credited with the popular quote: ' "If you drink, don't drive. Don't even…
“If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?”/“U r a bus.”
Subaru is a Japanese automaker. Many people have noticed that "Subaru" spelled backwards is "u r a bus" (you are a bus). "Billy Sage says that for economy you can't…
“If you drive past cows and don’t say ‘cows,’ you’re a psychopath”
Many people can't drive past cows without saying "cows" or "moo." "You're never too old to say 'cows' when you drive past some cows" was posted on…
“If you drive past cows and don’t ‘moo’ at them, you’re a psychopath”
Many people can't drive past cows without saying "cows" or "moo." "You're never too old to say 'cows' when you drive past some cows" was posted on…
“If you drive past horses and don’t say ‘horses,’ you’re a psychopath”
Many people can't drive past horses without pointing it out to others in the car. "idc how old you are if you drive past horses you're going to say 'horsies'" was…
“If you eat an entire cake without cutting it, you technically only had one piece”
"If you eat an entire cake without cutting it, you technically only had one piece" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Reddit --…
“If you eat cake fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re walking”
"If you eat cake/cookies/donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're jogging/walking" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I heard if you eat fast…
“If you eat candy corn, I’m just gonna assume you eat crayons and bite candles”
Many people do not like the taste of candy corn. "If you eat candy corn, I’m just gonna assume you eat crayons and candles as well" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“If you eat candy corn, I’m just gonna assume you eat crayons and candles as well”
Many people do not like the taste of candy corn. "If you eat candy corn, I’m just gonna assume you eat crayons and candles as well" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“If you eat cookies fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re running”
"If you eat cake/cookies/donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're jogging/walking" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I heard if you eat fast…
“If you eat donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re jogging”
"If you eat cake/cookies/donuts fast enough, your Fitbit will think you're jogging/walking" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I heard if you eat fast…
“If you eat enough beans, any chair can be musical”
A joke on the game of "musical chairs" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on November 9, 2019: "If you eat enough beans, any chair can be musical." The joke is that eating…
“If you eat enough beans, any chair can be musical”
A joke on the game of "musical chairs" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on November 9, 2019: "If you eat enough beans, any chair can be musical." The joke is that eating…
“If you eat falafel with hummus, you are dipping fried chick peas into blended chick peas”
Both falafel and hummus usually contain chickpeas. "Falafel with hummus. Eating fried chickpeas with chickpea paste. #neverthoughtofthat" was posted on Twitter on September 24, 2013.…
“If you eat ice cream out of a coffee cup, it has no calories”
Ice cream is ususally eaten out of a bowl, but is sometimes eaten out of a coffee cup/mug. The advantages are that the coffee cup/mug has a handle, and melted ice cream can be consumed like a…
“If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed”
"If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed" is a jocular one-line saying about take-home food that has been printed on an ecard. "Yeah but if you eat ur whole…
“If you eat it, you wear it”
"If you eat it, you wear it" is a modern update on "You are what you eat." For example, if you eat a donut, you might have to "wear it" when the fat goes to your hips.…
“If you eat Lunchables for breakfast, does that make them Breakfastables?”
There are "Lunchables" (trademarked in 1987), but no "Breakfastables" or "Dinnerables." However, the same company (Oscar Mayer) did trademark…