“If you catch the coronavirus twice, is it called Dos Equis?”
A coronavirus has nothing to do with Corona beer, but a joke was posted on Twitter by Zach Walsh (and others) on March 4, 2020: "If you get corona virus twice is it called Dos Equis??"…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If you chum, they will come” (fishing adage)
"If you build it (a baseball field), he (baseball star Shoeless Joe Jackson) will come" is a famous quotation from the baseball film Field of Dreams (1989). "If you chum, they will…
“If you combine wine and dinner, the new word is winner”
"Wine + dinner = winner" is a wine saying that has been printed on many images. "Wine+dinner= Winner!" was posted on Twitter by Monica Brady on August 28, 2010. "And while…
“If you could beat me, I would know you” (chess saying)
A popular chess story involves chess champion José Raúl Capablanca (1888-1943). A player asked Capablanca to play a game, and Capablance was about to give him queen odds. "Hey! You…
“If you could just rehydrate those raisins, that would be grapes”
A boss saying "If you could be here around nine, that would be great" is a line from the American film comedy Office Space (1999) that became a much-parodied meme. "Yeah, if you…
“If you could reason with a Democrat, there would be no Democrats”
"If you could reason with a Democrat, there would be no Democrats" (also given as "If you could reason with Democrats, there would be no Democrats" and "If you could reason…
“If you could reason with a Democrat, there wouldn’t be any Democrats”
"If you could reason with a Democrat, there would be no Democrats" (also given as "If you could reason with Democrats, there would be no Democrats" and "If you could reason…
“If you could reason with Democrats, there would be no Democrats”
"If you could reason with a Democrat, there would be no Democrats" (also given as "If you could reason with Democrats, there would be no Democrats" and "If you could reason…
“If you count your money when it comes out of the ATM machine, you officially don’t trust a thing”
ATMs (automated teller machines) usually dispense cash very accurately, but many people still count their cash anyway. "You have very thick trust issues if you still count your money when it…
“If you count your money when it comes out of the ATM machine, you officially don’t trust anything”
ATMs (automated teller machines) usually dispense cash very accurately, but many people still count their cash anyway. "You have very thick trust issues if you still count your money when it…
“If you count your money when it comes out of the ATM, you have trust issues”
ATMs (automated teller machines) usually dispense cash very accurately, but many people still count their cash anyway. "You have very thick trust issues if you still count your money when it…
“If you crush up garlic, does it create an allicin wonderland?”
Allicin is an organosulfur compound obtained from garlic. "Allicin Wonderland" is an obvious pun on Alice in Wonderland. "The body is, in fact, a veritable allicin wonderland"…
“If you cut a minute steak into 60 pieces then everyone can have seconds”
"Minute steak" has been the subject of several puns. This was posted on Twitter by Ayn Randy on December 7, 2018: "If you cut a minute steak into 60 pieces then everyone can have…
“If you cut Alaska in half, Texas is the third largest state”
Alaska became the 49th state in the United States on January 3, 1959. Alaska's great size meant that Texas was no longer the largest state in the United States -- as Texans have long liked to…
“If you cut off my reproductive choice, can I cut off yours?”
"If you (can) cut off my reproductive choice/rights, can I cut off yours?" (said by a woman to a man, with the latter cut referring to castration) is a women's rights saying that has…
“If you cut off my reproductive rights, can I cut off yours?”
"If you (can) cut off my reproductive choice/rights, can I cut off yours?" (said by a woman to a man, with the latter cut referring to castration) is a women's rights saying that has…
“If you divide 2020 by 5 you get 404, so basically this entire year is an error message”
The year 2020 had many hardships, such as the coronavirus pandemic. However, a popular joke began right at the start of the year. "If you divide 2020 by 5 you get 404, so basically this entire…
“If you do not know what you’re doing, neither does your enemy.—Joe Tzu”
"If you do not know what you're doing, neither does your enemy. -- Joe Tzu" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Joe Tzu" is a combination of U.S.…
“If you do pass the McKinley bill, we shall have to come over to your country and thrash you”
On "National Tell a Joke Day" (August 16, 2017), the Library of Congress Blog told the story of what could be the first audio recording of a joke. The joke concerned the Tariff Act of…
“If you don’t believe in random sampling, go to the doctor for a blood test, have him take it all”
Random sampling" is done by many polling organizations, such as those that conduct political polls. Some people believe that the sample size is small and that it doesn't reflect the…