“If you wrote a screenplay about coffee, would it be a JavaScript?”
"JavaScript" is not a screenplay about coffee, but there are many puns. "Javascript (which I thought was a screenplay about coffee)" was posted on the newsgroup Google Groups:…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be climbing into my gravy boat and sailing away on the mashed potato sea”
Gravy boats are not boats that sail on water, but there are jokes. "If you had enough gravy boats would you have a gravy navy?" was posted on X/Twitter by John O'Donoghue on May 28,…
“If you’re afraid to speak out against tyranny, you’re already a slave”
"If you are afraid to speak out against tyranny, you are already a slave" is a sayin that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "If you are afraid to speak out…
“If you’re allergic to bananas, do you go into bananaphylactic shock?”
People who have banana allergies don't go into "bananaphylactic" (banana + anaphylactic) shock, but there are jokes. "For when Eric eats a banana, an amazing transformation…
“If you’re always organizing things, you have OCD. If you’re always eating things, you have OBCD”
"OBCD" sounds like "obesity." "OBCD" weas entered in the Urban Dictionary on April 7, 2011. "OBCD" should not be confused with "OCD"…
“If you’re always straightening things, you have OCD. If you’re always eating things, you have OBCD”
"OBCD" sounds like "obesity." "OBCD" weas entered in the Urban Dictionary on April 7, 2011. "OBCD" should not be confused with "OCD"…
“If you’re American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?”/“European.”
A nationality joke is: Q: If you’re an American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom? A: European (you're a-peeing). The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. 12 April…
“If you’re asleep to the truth, you’ll drown in the lies”
"If you're asleep to the truth, you'll drown in the lies" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "IF YOU'RE ASLEEP TO THE TRUTH, YOU'LL DROWN IN THE…
“If you’re bored in New York, it’s your own fault”
The actress and New York City resident Myrna Loy (1905-1993) wrote in her 1987 autobiography: "If you’re bored in New York, it’s your own fault. Something’s always happening. But in…
“If you’re confused about gender, try milking a bull. That just might kick start your thinking”
"If you are still confused about gender, try milking a bull. That might kick start your thinking" and "If you're still confused about gender, try milking a bull and you'll…
“If you’re confused about gender, try milking a bull. You’ll learn real quick”
"If you are still confused about gender, try milking a bull. That might kick start your thinking" and "If you're still confused about gender, try milking a bull and you'll…
“If you’re down by the schoolyard, stay away from Rosie. She’s the Queen of Corona”
New York City-raised singer-songwriter Paul Simon sang these lyrics in the song "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" (1972): "Goodbye to Rosie, the queen of Corona." Simon was…
“If you’re drinking to forget, please pay in advance”
"If you're drinking to forget, please pay in advance" is a jocular sign in many drinking establishments. "If You're Drinking to Forget, Please Pay in Advance" has been…
“If you’re drunk at noon, you’re either living very well, or very poorly”
"If you're drunk at noon, you're either living very well, or very poorly" is a saying that was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on September 27, 2017. The saying became…
“If you’re even, he’s leavin’” (speed can’t be caught)
"If you're even, he's leavin'" is a football expression meaning that if a defensive back is "even" with the wide receiver, then that wide receiver (who is often…
“If you’re ever feeling useless, remember that bags of ice have nutritional information”
A bag of ice contains nutritional information. The numbers are usually zero, but that information is there. "Think about this...if you’re ever feeling useless, just remember that ice has…
“If you’re explaining, you’re losing”
"If you're explaining, you're losing' is a political axiom that dates in print to at least the 1980s. A politician who has to explain is often confusing and losing his or her…
“If you’re going to be salty, bring the tequila”
"If you're going to be salty, bring the tequila" is a jocular saying (usually referring to drinking margaritas) that has been printed on many images. "It's ok to be salty…
“If you’re going to fight, fight like you’re the third monkey on the ramp to Noah’s Ark”
"Fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp to Noah's Ark...and brother, it's startin' to rain" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. In the…
“If you’re going to panic, panic early” (Wall Street proverb)
"If you're going to panic, panic early!" is a Wall Street proverb that's cited in print from at least 2000. It means that one should be the first to sell (and get the highest…