“If cars had an ‘I’m sorry’ horn, there would probably be a lot less road rage”
People honk their car horns as a warning to other drivers. Some call it a "you stupid bastard horn" or a "fuck you horn." CraigBailey.net suggested a "sorry horn" on…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If cats could talk to cops, they wouldn’t”
"If cats could talk to cops, they wouldn't" is a meme that has been printed on many images. The meme combines the sayings "If cats could [X}, they wouldn't" with…
“If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t”
"If cats could text you back, they wouldn't" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The joke is that cats are self-centered and lazy. "If cats could text you…
“If caught sleeping, slowly raise your head from your desk and say, ‘In Jesus’ name, Amen’”
"If caught sleeping, slowly raise your head from your desk and say, 'In Jesus name, Amen'" is a jocular work tip that has been printed on many images. The joke has been cited in…
“If cauliflower can somehow become pizza…then you, my friend, can do anything”
"If cauliflower can somehow become pizza...then you, my friend, can do anything" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images. "If cauliflower can be pizza, we, my…
“If cheerleading were any easier, it would be called football”
"If cheerleading were any easier, it would be called football" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such a T-shirts and posters. "If cheerleading were any easier, it…
“If chess turns you on, it’s pawnography”
"Pawnography" (chess pawn + pornography) is a jocular portmanteau word that some chess players have used. Pawnography!! (1973) was the title of a book by Douglas R Long and Bryan M…
“If children started school at six months old and their teachers gave them walking lessons…”
Many people believe that they can't exist without government schools -- rather than home schooling --just because things have long been this way. This was posted on X/Twitter by Geoff Graham…
“If coffee can’t fix it, it’s a serious problem”
"If coffee can't fix it, it's a serious problem" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "If coffee can't fix it, nothing can!" was posted on…
“If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee’s favorite drug?”/“Pot.”
A coffeepot riddle is: Q: If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug?A: Pot. The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on June 30, 2017. Reddit -- JokesIf coffee is my…
“If Columbus had had an advisory committee he would probably still be at the dock”
A statement against committees was published in a February 1962 newspaper: "Secretary of Labor Goldberg, always a free-wheeling operator, frets over the time-consuming committees which have…
“If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in”
"If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in" is a jocular saying about committees that has been printed on many images. "If machines…
“If confusion is the beginning of wisdom, I am totally on the right track”
"Confusion s the beginning of wisdom" is a saying of uncertain authorship. U.S. General Walter Bedell "Beetle" Smith (1895-1961) said this, as quoted in a 1992 book: “All I…
“If Congress has the right under the Constitution to issue paper money ...”
President Andrew Jackson (1767-1845) said in a July 10, 1832 Veto Message Regarding the Bank of the United States: "The money so coined, with its value so regulated, and such foreign coins as…
“If cops can execute you because they ‘saw a gun,’ you do not have the right to bear arms”
"If cops can execute you because they 'saw a gun,' you do not have the right to bear arms" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If a cop can execute you…
“If coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to some jocular pickup lines. This was posted on Twitter by yikes on March 9, 2020: "If the coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?" "If…
“If couples celebrate Valentine’s Day, what do single men celebrate?”/“Palm Sunday.”
A not-safe-for-work joke is told about Valentine's Day. "If Valentines Day is for lovers... what day is for single men... Palm Sunday" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“If COVID-19 doesn’t take you out, can I?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to some jocular pickup lines. This was posted on Twitter by yikes on March 9, 2020: "If the coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?" "If…
“If COVID-19 had originated in Sweden, would we be calling it the kronavirus?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic has nothing to do with the Danish krone, Icelandic króna, Norwegian krone or Swedish krona, but there are jokes. "Maybe it was Norwegian #KronaVirus"…
“If cutting government funding shuts down an NGO, it is not, and never was a Non Governmental Organization”
The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) was established in 2025 and sought to cut government costs, such as money to NGOs. Many people wondered why a non-governmental organization (NGO)…