“If chess turns you on, it’s pawnography”
"Pawnography" (chess pawn + pornography) is a jocular portmanteau word that some chess players have used. Pawnography!! (1973) was the title of a book by Douglas R Long and Bryan M…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If children started school at six months old and their teachers gave them walking lessons…”
Many people believe that they can't exist without government schools -- rather than home schooling --just because things have long been this way. This was posted on X/Twitter by Geoff Graham…
“If coffee can’t fix it, it’s a serious problem”
"If coffee can't fix it, it's a serious problem" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "If coffee can't fix it, nothing can!" was posted on…
“If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee’s favorite drug?”/“Pot.”
A coffeepot riddle is: Q: If coffee is my favorite drug, then what is coffee's favorite drug?A: Pot. The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on June 30, 2017. Reddit -- JokesIf coffee is my…
“If Columbus had had an advisory committee he would probably still be at the dock”
A statement against committees was published in a February 1962 newspaper: "Secretary of Labor Goldberg, always a free-wheeling operator, frets over the time-consuming committees which have…
“If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in”
"If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in" is a jocular saying about committees that has been printed on many images. "If machines…
“If confusion is the beginning of wisdom, I am totally on the right track”
"Confusion s the beginning of wisdom" is a saying of uncertain authorship. U.S. General Walter Bedell "Beetle" Smith (1895-1961) said this, as quoted in a 1992 book: “All I…
“If Congress has the right under the Constitution to issue paper money ...”
President Andrew Jackson (1767-1845) said in a July 10, 1832 Veto Message Regarding the Bank of the United States: "The money so coined, with its value so regulated, and such foreign coins as…
“If cops can execute you because they ‘saw a gun,’ you do not have the right to bear arms”
"If cops can execute you because they 'saw a gun,' you do not have the right to bear arms" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If a cop can execute you…
“If coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to some jocular pickup lines. This was posted on Twitter by yikes on March 9, 2020: "If the coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?" "If…
“If couples celebrate Valentine’s Day, what do single men celebrate?”/“Palm Sunday.”
A not-safe-for-work joke is told about Valentine's Day. "If Valentines Day is for lovers... what day is for single men... Palm Sunday" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“If COVID-19 doesn’t take you out, can I?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to some jocular pickup lines. This was posted on Twitter by yikes on March 9, 2020: "If the coronavirus doesn’t take you out, can I?" "If…
“If COVID-19 had originated in Sweden, would we be calling it the kronavirus?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic has nothing to do with the Danish krone, Icelandic króna, Norwegian krone or Swedish krona, but there are jokes. "Maybe it was Norwegian #KronaVirus"…
“If cutting government funding shuts down an NGO, it is not, and never was a Non Governmental Organization”
The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) was established in 2025 and sought to cut government costs, such as money to NGOs. Many people wondered why a non-governmental organization (NGO)…
“If cutting government funding shuts down an NGO, it was never a Non Governmental Organization”
The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) was established in 2025 and sought to cut government costs, such as money to NGOs. Many people wondered why a non-governmental organization (NGO)…
“If daiquiri is spelled like daiquiri, then why can’t Zachary be spelled like Zaiquiri?”
"Daiquiri" (a cocktail) and "Zachary" (a man's name) both rhyme, but are spelled differently. "If Daiquirí is spelled like Daiquirí then why isn't Zachary…
“If Daiquirí is spelled like Daiquirí, then why isn’t Zachary spelled like Zaiquirí?”
"Daiquiri" (a cocktail) and "Zachary" (a man's name) both rhyme, but are spelled differently. "If Daiquirí is spelled like Daiquirí then why isn't Zachary…
“If defensive backs could catch, they would be wide receivers” (football adage)
"If defensive backs could catch, they would be wide receivers" is a popular football adage. The saying usually comes up when a defensive back is in perfect position for an interception,…
“If DEI is a good thing, why do they get upset when you call someone a DEI hire?”
In July 2024, U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris replaced President Joe Biden on the Democrat ticket for President for the 2024 election. Some Republicans called her a "DEI hire," and…
“If Drinks Could Talk: Coffee - You can do this! Wine - You don’t have to do this!”
"If Drinks Could Talk: Coffee - You can do this! Wine - You don't have to do this! Tequila - Holy shit! Did you really just do that?!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…