“If beer is liquid courage, then coffee must be liquid motivation”
Alcohol has frequently been called “liquid courage.” "If alcohol is liquid courage, is caffeine liquid anxiety?" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on August 9, 2017. "If…
Alphebetical for "i"
“If being in space for 3 minutes makes you an astronaut, then I’m a proctologist”
Blue Origin NS-31 was a sub-orbital spaceflight on April 14, 2025. It lasted only about 15 minutes, but the crew members were called "astronauts." This was posted on X/Twitter by Jeremy…
“If booze is liquid courage, then coffee is liquid initiative”
Alcohol has frequently been called “liquid courage.” "If alcohol is liquid courage, is caffeine liquid anxiety?" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on August 9, 2017. "If…
“If bread goes bad, we throw it away, If bananas go bad, we make bread out of them”
Bananas go bad fast, and many people use bad bananas in banana bread. This saying was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on November 28, 2017: "If bread goes bad we throw it away, If bananas…
“If butter companies stopped printing the measurements on the wrapper I would literally not know what to do with myself”
One stick of butter equals 8 tablespoons, or 1/4 pound, or 1/2 cup. The measurements are written on the packaging to make things easier. "butter hit the big leagues when they started printing…
“If by ‘balanced breakfast’ you mean a coffee followed by another coffee, then yes, I’ve had a balanced breakfast”
A "balanced breakfast" usually means a variety of breakfast items, such as eggs, bacon, cheese, oatmeal, cereal, milk, orange juice and coffee. To some people, a "balanced…
“If by ‘camping” you mean my hotel room will face the woods, then yes I’m up for a camping trip!”
"If by 'camping" you mean my hotel room will face the woods, then yes I'm up for a camping trip!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Many people have…
“If by ‘crunches’ you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches”
"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…
“If by ‘crunches’ you mean the sound bacon makes when you eat it, then yes, I do crunches”
"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…
“If by ‘crunches’ you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes I do crunches”
"If by 'crunches' you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes, I do crunches" and "If by 'crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then…
“If by ‘picking up hotties at the club’ you mean going to Costco for rotisserie chicken then yeah I am”
Costco is a "club" (a warehouse club of retail stores), but it's not a nightclub. There are jokes about going to "the club." "if by 'picking up hotties at the…
“If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits”
"Free spirits" usually doesn't mean "open bar," but this is a subject of several jokes. "Perking up at 'free spirits.' Is there an open bar somewhere?"…
“If by living the American dream you mean paycheck to paycheck then yes I am”
"If by living the American dream you mean paycheck to paycheck then yes I am" is a saying that has been printed on an ecard. The saying was posted on Twitter by Drunk N Naughty on…
“If cannibals start starving, they can always make themselves a snack”
"If cannibals start starving, they can always make themselves a snack" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on January 26, 2019. It was removed (Showerthoughts doesn't accept…
“If cars had an ‘I’m sorry’ horn, there would probably be a lot less road rage”
People honk their car horns as a warning to other drivers. Some call it a "you stupid bastard horn" or a "fuck you horn." CraigBailey.net suggested a "sorry horn" on…
“If cats could talk to cops, they wouldn’t”
"If cats could talk to cops, they wouldn't" is a meme that has been printed on many images. The meme combines the sayings "If cats could [X}, they wouldn't" with…
“If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t”
"If cats could text you back, they wouldn't" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The joke is that cats are self-centered and lazy. "If cats could text you…
“If caught sleeping, slowly raise your head from your desk and say, ‘In Jesus’ name, Amen’”
"If caught sleeping, slowly raise your head from your desk and say, 'In Jesus name, Amen'" is a jocular work tip that has been printed on many images. The joke has been cited in…
“If cauliflower can somehow become pizza…then you, my friend, can do anything”
"If cauliflower can somehow become pizza...then you, my friend, can do anything" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images. "If cauliflower can be pizza, we, my…
“If cheerleading were any easier, it would be called football”
"If cheerleading were any easier, it would be called football" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such a T-shirts and posters. "If cheerleading were any easier, it…