“I used to just crastinate. Then I decided to go pro”
"I used to just crastinate. Then I decided to go pro" is a jocular procrastination saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm an amateur crastinator. Someday I'll…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I used to like chicken more than beef, but that was hen and this is cow”
"That was hen, this is cow" -- an animal pun on "that was then, this is now" -- is a jocular one-liner that has been printed on several images. "That Was Then, This Is…
“I used to live in a teapot. I know what you’re thinking. Poor you”
"Poor me" should not be confused with "pour me," but there are jokes. "I used to live in a teapot. I know what you're thinking. Poor you" is a pun by English…
“I used to live in a tyre, but it got a puncture. Now I just live in a flat”
A British English apartment joke was posted on Twitter on August 19, 2012: "I used to live in a tyre but then I got a puncture, now I live in a flat." "I used to live in a tyre, but…
“I used to own a Bed and Breakfast. Then I ate the breakfast, and now I just own a bed”
"I used to own a Bed and Breakfast. Then I ate the breakfast, and now I just own a bed. I should find a job" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by SickipediaToday on December 29, 2012.…
“I used to own a Bed and Breakfast. Then I ate the breakfast, and now I just own a bed”
"I used to own a Bed and Breakfast. Then I ate the breakfast, and now I just own a bed. I should find a job" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by SickipediaToday on December 29, 2012.…
“I used to pee my pants when i stood in front of my 3rd grade class. It cost me my teaching career”
A school joke is: "I used to pee my pants every time I stood in front of my 3rd grade class. It cost me my teaching career." The joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on March 23, 2016.…
“I used to play the triangle in a reggae band, but left because it was just one ting after another”
"Life is just one thing after another" is a common saying. "I had to quit my job as quality control manager at the triangle factory It was just one ting after another" is a…
“I used to run a pizza restaurant called Calzone, but it folded”
Calzone has been called "folded pizza." There have been several pizza/calzone restaurant puns. "My pizza restaurant folded; It's now a calzone restaurant" was posted on…
“I used to run a riding school, but business kept falling off”
"I used to have a riding academy, but business kept falling off" is a horse joke that was printed in the book Milton Berle's Private Joke File (1989) by Milton Berle. "I used to…
“I used to run an origami company, but it folded”
An unsuccessful business "folds," and there's a classic pun: "I used to run an origami company, but it folded." "I once owned an origami business, until one day it…
“I used to see a life coach pretty frequently, back when they were called bartenders”
"I used to see a life coach pretty/quite frequently, back then/when they were called bartenders" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I used to see a Life Coach…
“I used to see a life coach quite frequently… back then they were called bartenders”
"I used to see a life coach pretty/quite frequently, back then/when they were called bartenders" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I used to see a Life Coach…
“I used to think drinking a whole pot of coffee by yourself meant you have a problem…”
"I used to think drinking a whole pot of coffee by yourself meant you have a problem. Now, I know it's called 'getting started'" (shown on an image) was posted on Facebook…
“I used to think drinking was bad for me…so I gave up thinking”
"I used to think drinking was bad for me...so I gave up thinking" is a drinking saying that has been printed on many images. "I used to think drinking was bad for me, so I gave up…
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure”
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure" (or "I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure") is a saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“I used to think that sticks and stones could break my bones but words could never hurt me…”
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names/words will never harm me” is a classic children's rhyme. A joke variation was posted on Twitter by Steph Marie on May 5, 2011: "I used…
“I used to walk five miles to and from school, uphill both ways” (parent joke)
Parents often say that their kids have it easy. As an example, they sometimes exaggerate how difficult it was for them to walk to school. They walked miles -- and it was uphill both ways! The joke…
“I used to wonder who flipped a vampire’s pancakes. Turns out it’s Count Spatula”
A Count Dracula joke has him as "Count Spatula." "What do you call a vampire who makes pancakes? Count Spatula" was posted on Facebook by Sandra Crawford Wilson on April…
“I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit. No more Mr. Knife guy”
"Mr. Nice Guy" should not be confused with "Mr. Knife Guy," but there are jokes. "The UK's sole remaining cutlery repair business closed today. No more Mr Knife…