“I quit my job crushing cans. It was soda pressing”
"Soda pressing" is a pun for "so depressing." A rock song titled "Soda Pressing" by the punk group Boys was released in 1977. "He had a soft drink while catching…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I quit my job over religious differences. My boss thought he was God and I didn’t”
A popular marriage joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.jewish on November 4, 2000: "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't."…
“I quit my job testing treadmills. I felt I wasn’t going anywhere”
"I bet testing treadmills is a great starter job. Seems like it could really get a career up and running..." is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Nancy on September 28, 2012. "My…
“I quit my job working at a helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice”
"I quit my job working at a helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice" is a joke that has been printed on several images. The joke has been cited in print since at…
“I quit smoking cold turkey” (joke)
"Cold turkey" is defined as a sudden stop to a dependency (such as smoking or drugs). A pun on the "cold turkey" term appeared in New York magazine on November 20, 1978: "I…
“I ran 5 miles for the first time. I didn’t think that ice cream truck would ever stop!”
Some people run...for ice cream? "I Ran Five Miles Today.....Damn Ice Cream Truck Still Didn't Stop...Even Though I Was Yellin & Wavin My Money At Him!!" was posted on Twitter on…
“I ran 5 miles for the first time. I didn’t think that ice cream truck would ever stop!”
Some people run...for ice cream? "I Ran Five Miles Today.....Damn Ice Cream Truck Still Didn't Stop...Even Though I Was Yellin & Wavin My Money At Him!!" was posted on Twitter on…
“I ran into a lamppost yesterday. Luckily, I only sustained light injuries”
"I ran into a lamppost. But I only have light injuries" is a pun that was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on July 18, 2020. "I ran into a lamppost yesterday. Luckily, I only sustained…
“I ran out of coffee this morning. Tequila seemed a reasonable replacement. Everyone is so pretty”
"I ran out of coffee this morning. Tequila seemed a reasonable replacement. Everyone is so pretty" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I ran out of coffee this…
“I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old newspapers… The Times are rough”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in toilet paper shortages -- and jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on March 18, 2020: "I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old…
“I ran over 5 miles today. Like, what are the odds they were all named Miles? Crazy”
People named "Miles" should not be confused with actual "miles," but there are jokes. "I actually meant to say I ran over 4 people named Miles" was posted on Twitter…
“I ran twice today. First I ran out of beer, and then I ran to get some more”
"I ran twice today. First I ran out of beer, and then I ran to get some more" is a jocular saying about running that has been printed on many images. "I ran twice today, first i ran…
“I rarely put orange slices in my beer. Once in a Blue Moon”
Blue Moion is a Belgian-style witbier brewed by MillerCoors. The beer is usually served with an orange slice. There are many "once in a Blue Moon" jokes. "I hardly ever eat orange…
“I read old books because I would rather learn from those who built civilization than those who tore it down”
"I read old books because I would rather learn from those who built civilization than those who tore it down" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "A lot of talk about…
“I read recipes the same way I read science fiction” (joke)
American comedian Rita Rudner used a successful line in her routine by at least 2000: "I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, 'Well, that's…
“I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean. I just wish they’d told me…” (joke)
A banana a day can help the colon. However, one should eat the banana -- and not attempt to directly insert it into the colon. "Maxwell said a banana a day is good for keeping your colon…
“I really don’t know how fast light travels, but it gets here too early in the morning”
How fast is the speed of light> "A California scientist is experimenting with the measurement of the speed of light. We bet he finds it gets here too early in the mornings" was printed…
“I really hope mailmen don’t start getting the Coronavirus. They’re really good carriers”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in a few jokes about "carriers." "Mailmen with coronavirus don’t actually show any symptoms; they’re just carriers" was posted on…
“I really love my fanbase…without it my fan would fall over”
Sports and entertainment stars have "fans," and there's a joke: "I really love my fanbase...without it my fan would fall over." The joke was posted to Twitter on December…
“I really shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there”
"I really shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I probably…