“I paid the rent… Now I’ve got a place to starve to death”
"I paid the rent... Now I've got a place to starve to death" (or "Paid my rent, now I have a place to starve") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I passed a drug test recently, which is strange because I don’t remember eating one”
"@AuburnJokes: An Auburn player recently passed a drug test. Which was strange because he didn't remember eating one" was posted on Twitter by Michael D'Elia on April 29, 2012.…
“I passed my paintball exam with flying colors”
Students who pass an exam easily are said to do so "with flying colors." It's sometimes joked that the test was a paintball exam. "I passed my paintball exam with flying…
“I passed my paintball exam with flying colours”
Students who pass an exam easily are said to do so "with flying colors." It's sometimes joked that the test was a paintball exam. "I passed my paintball exam with flying…
“I passed my physical exam! But I only got a C in Hepatitis”
"Hepatitis C" is not a grade, but there are jokes. "I just took an STD test and I got a C in Hepatitis" was posted on Twitter on May 27, 2011. "I was always a C student so…
“I paused my game to be here” (gaming saying)
"I paused my game to be here" is a jocular gaming saying that has been printed on many images. For a gamer to pause a game, something else must be very important! "Rocket Factory I…
“I pay too many bills to be paying attention to people that don’t pay my bills”
"I pay too many bills to be paying attention to shit that don’t pay my bills 😩" was posted on X/Twitter by 𝒦𝒜ℒℐ𝒯𝒜 . on July 17, 2021. Many people only have time for…
“I pay too many bills to be paying attention to shit that don’t pay my bills”
"I pay too many bills to be paying attention to shit that don’t pay my bills 😩" was posted on X/Twitter by 𝒦𝒜ℒℐ𝒯𝒜 . on July 17, 2021. Many people only have time for…
“I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline. A kid answered, called me a…” (joke)
A "Child Abuse Hotline" is usually to report about abuse to children, but a joke has it that the hotline is to get abuse from children. "I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline. A kid…
“I pick fresh vegetables every day. I feed them to my pig and he converts them into bacon”
"I buy/pick fresh vegetables every day. I feed them to my pig and he converts them into bacon" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "HEALTHY EATING #36 I BUY…
“I plan on marrying into a family that does mimosas on holiday mornings instead of 5K’s”
Many runs are planned over holiday weekends, such as a 5k "turkey trot" over Thanksgiving. "I plan on marrying into a family that does mimosas on holiday mornings instead of…
“I play a little guitar, but mostly I play the ukulele”
"I play a little guitar" is a popular ukulele joke. The pun is that the meaning of "I play guitar a little" is changed when it's written as "I play a little…
“I play a little guitar” (ukulele joke)
"I play a little guitar" is a popular ukulele joke. The pun is that the meaning of "I play guitar a little" is changed when it's written as "I play a little…
“I played a great horse yesterday. It took seven horses to beat him”
A classic racetrack joke is: "I bet on a wonderful horse. It took seven horses to beat him." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1942. New York-born comedian Joe E. Lewis…
“I played frisbee with my dog today. I think I need a flatter dog”
"I try to do a bit of exercise every now and then. Last week I was playing Frisbee with my dog, It wasn't very good. I'll have to get a flatter dog" is a joke from Irish actor…
“I played in a snooker tournament for the emotionally unstable. I was first to break”
In the game of snooker, one player is "first to break." "Interrogating snooker players is SO easy. They're always the first to break" is a pun that was posted on Twitter on…
“I pledge a legion to the flag” (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)
The Pledge of Allegiance of the United States has been recited by millions of school children, and many of them say the wrong words. These mishearings or misinterpretations are called…
“I pledge a lesion to the flag” (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)
The Pledge of Allegiance of the United States has been recited by millions of school children, and many of them say the wrong words. These mishearings or misinterpretations are called…
“I pledge a lesson to the frog” (Pledge of Allegiance mondegreen)
The Pledge of Allegiance of the United States has been recited by millions of school children, and many of them say the wrong words. These mishearings or misinterpretations are called…
“I pledge allegiance to the cup that holds my caffeinated beverage…” (coffee pledge)
A pledge of allegiance to a cup of coffee is shown on many images: "I pledge allegiance to the cup that holds my caffeinated beverage. And to the drink which it contains, one container, full…