“I have a love hat relationship with autocorrect”
"I have a love hat relationship with auto-correct...." -- a pun on "love-hate relationship" -- was posted on Twitter by John Daugherty on August 7, 2011. "I have a love hat…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I have a lovely gold watch—a family heirloom. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold it to me”
Woody Allen performed this joke in his early 1960s standup act, and it was printed in Parade magazine on December 21, 1963: "I have a lovely gold watch -- a family heirloom. My grandfather, on…
“I have a medical condition. I’m allergic to tyranny. It makes me break out in rebellion”
"I have a medical condition. I'm allergic to tyranny. It makes me break out in rebellion" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is in reference to the COVID-19…
“I have a pen that can write underwater! It can also write other words, too”
"I've got a pen that can write underwater. And lots of other words" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Miles Watts on September 19, 2014. "I just got a pen that can write…
“I have a pet manatee named Hugh. I built him a house. It’s a habitat for Hugh manatee”
Habitat for Humanity builds houses for underserved communities. "Humanity" can sound like "Hugh Manatee," and there are jokes. "Habitat for Hugh, Manatee…
“I have a pogo stick made out of vegetables. It’s a spring onion”
"Spring onions" don't contain springs, but there are jokes. "I have a pogo stick made out of vegetables. It’s a spring onion. Spring Jokes..." was posted on X/Twitter by…
“I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer and I have a Czech one too”
Sound engineers often test by saying, "Check one-two." A joke has been printed on several images: "I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band. I have a Czech one too. A Czech…
“I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something. you’re still getting something impressive”
"I have a pretty big ass/butt, so when I half ass something. you're still getting something impressive" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Something…
“I have a pretty big butt, so when I half ass something you’re still getting something impressive”
"I have a pretty big ass/butt, so when I half ass something. you're still getting something impressive" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Something…
“I have a rice cake joke, but it’s tasteless”
Many people find rice cakes to be tasteless. "I have a rice cake joke, ......but it's tasteless" was posted on Twitter by Double Canister on July 25, 2020. "I had a joke about a…
“I have a smart phone with a dumb battery”
"I have a smart phone with a dumb battery" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Smart phone has a dumb battery" was posted on Twitter on April 17,…
“I have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder”
Are step-ladders like step-fathers? "I have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder" is a popular joke of uncertain origin. "It's not my REAL ladder. It's my…
“I have a Supreme Court figure—no appeal”
The U.S. Supreme Court is the highest court in the United States; there is no appeal of its decisions. "Tom Howard of 'It Pays to Be Ignorant' said that Lulu McConnell has a supreme…
“I have a weight problem—I can’t wait to eat”
"I have a weight problem -- I can't wait to eat!" is a pun that has been printed on T-shirts. "I've got a weight problem -- I can't wait to eat!" has been cited…
“I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a corndog”
"I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a corndog" is a jocular saying that has been printed on T-shirts. A T-shirt was posted on X/Twitter by Terius FX on October 5,…
“I have absolutely no desire to fit in with a world that accepts tyrants for rulers”
"I have absolutely no desire to fit in with a world that accepts tyrants for rulers" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "I have absolutely no desire to fit into a…
“I have added ‘extensive experience in dealing with stupid people’ to my resume”
"I've decided to add 'extensive experience in dealing with stupid people' to my resume. That has got to be a marketable skill" is a saying that has been printed on many…
“I have always been suspicious of Wendy’s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature”
Wendy's fast food restaurants serve square hamburgers. This was posted on X/Twitter by Dead Pan Nick on December 5, 2013, and received over 6,900 likes: "I have always been suspicious of…
“I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix. Anybody got a punch line?”
A joke about Kool-Aid (or another fruit-flavored powdered drink mix) is: " I have an addiction to snorting Kool-Aid (powdered drink mix). Anybody got a punch line?" "I'm so…
“I have an addiction to tag. It’ll be touch and go, whether I need professional help”
Jokes about the game of tag are very "touch and go." "I'm proud to say that I have finally beaten my addiction to playing Tag, but it was touch and go there for a while"…