“Someone killed my lentils. I couldn’t find a pulse”
A "pulse" can mean a palpable beat of an artery, and a "pulse" can also mean an edible seed of the legume family. A joke confuses the two meanings. "*working in…
“A man collapsed in the lentil aisle of the local supermarket. Fortunately, when the paramedics arrived, they found a pulse”
A "pulse" can mean a palpable beat of an artery, and a "pulse" can also mean an edible seed of the legume family. A joke confuses the two meanings. "*working in…
“‘Marry Me Shrimp’ implies the existence of ‘Fuck Me Shrimp’ and ‘Kill Me Shrimp’”
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
“‘Marry Me Chicken’ implies the existence of ‘Fuck Me Chicken’ and ‘Kill Me Chicken’”
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
“‘Marry Me Chicken’ implies the existence of ‘Divorce Me Chicken’”
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
Marry Me Shrimp
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
Marry Me Salmon
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
“I hate ‘marry me’ recipes. ‘Marry me chicken’ ‘Marry me Alfredo’ omg everything is about a relationship. I’m going to scream. It’s just pasta!!!”
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
“Why does my stomach have the nerve to growl when the fat is literally right there for it to eat?”
Some people who are fat wonder why their stomach would ever growl for more food. This was posted on X/Twitter by mila 🍰 on July 14, 2026, and it received over 256,000 likes: "why does my…
Engagement Chicken
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
Marry Me Chicken
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
Marry Me Pasta
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
Marry Me Recipe
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
“The best thing about insomnia is the extra meal you get each day…”
People with insomnia can't sleep, and they often eat more. This was posted on X/Twitter by Boyd's Backyard™ on February 10, 2015, and it received over 4,800 likes: "The best thing…
“We’ve got more ‘marry me’ recipes in circulation than ever and yet the marriage rates keep falling. All those sun-dried tomatoes died for nothing”
"Engagement Chicken" led to "Marry Me Chicken," and other similarly named recipes. A woman who cooks such a dish for a man will impress him so much that they become…
“I fart because it’s the only gas I can afford”
"Help! Dad farted and we can't get out!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. When someone farts in a car, others are trapped and have to open windows.…
“Help! Grandpa farted and we can’t get out” (bumper sticker)
"Help! Dad farted and we can't get out!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. When someone farts in a car, others are trapped and have to open windows.…
“Help! Someone farted and we can’t get out” (bumper sticker)
"Help! Dad farted and we can't get out!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. When someone farts in a car, others are trapped and have to open windows.…
“I’m retired. Go around me” (bumper sticker)
"I'm retired. Go around me" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. Retired people don't have work deadlines and usually take things slowly.…
“Help! Dad farted and we can’t get out” (bumper sticker)
"Help! Dad farted and we can't get out!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers. When someone farts in a car, others are trapped and have to open windows.…