“It only takes two to make an auction” (auction adage)
It takes two to tango, and it is said that it takes two to make an auction. It's not known where the auction saying began. "It takes two bids to make an auction sale" was cited in a…
“Congress is the only whorehouse that loses money”
It's an old saying that if government ran something (such as a casino or the racetrack), it would lose money. American economist John Rutledge said on Fox News on May 27, 2006: "Congress…
“If I had a dollar for every time I was told I was unattractive, I would be attractive”
A saying about the attractiveness of money is: "If I had a dollar for every time I was told I was unattractive to women, I'd be attractive to women." "If I had a dollar for…
“Why is Peter Pan such a bad boxer?”/“He never lands.”
A popular children's joke is: Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?A: Because he never lands. "Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he can Neverland!" was posted on a Disney-themed…
Official Bird of New York City (middle finger; pigeon)
New York City does not have an official bird. New York State's official bird is the eastern bluebird. It's sometimes said that the official "bird" of New York City is the middle…
“What’s the difference between a large chested lobster and a dirty bus stop?” (joke)
A popular joke -- so bad it's been called a "dad joke" -- is: Q: What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?"A: One's a crusty…
“What do you call someone who doesn’t like food fights?”/“A pasta-fist.”
"Pacifist" sounds like "pasta-fist." "I'm a pasta fist, that's right. Not a pacifist" was posted on Twitter on April 7, 2013. "Is it a coincidence that…
“Why did they stop the zombie hockey game?”/“There was a face off in the corner.”
Hockey has "face-offs," and there's a joke: Q: Why did they call timeout in the leper hockey game? A: There was a face off in the corner. The joke has been cited in print since at…
“How can you get to see the official bird of New York City?”/“Cut someone off.”
New York City does not have an official bird. New York State's official bird is the eastern bluebird. It's sometimes said that the official "bird" of New York City is the middle…
“Why is Peter Pan always flying?”/“Because he never lands.”
A popular joke (sometimes told at airports) is: Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?A: Because he never lands. "Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he can Neverland!" was posted on a…
“Golf is deceptively simple and yet endlessly complicated”
American golfer Arnold Palmer (1929-2016) wrote "My Game and Yours" in Sports Illustrated on July 15, 1963, which opened: "Golf is deceptively simple and yet endlessly complicated. A…
“Too old for Snapchat and too young for Life Alert”
Snapchat is an image messaging and multimedia mobile application; its users are generally young. "Too old for snapchat, too young for dad jeans" was posted on Twitter on January 2. 2014.…
“He’s a master debater” (joke on “masturbator”)
"Master debater" is often said with a wink, clearly hinting at the word "masturbator." It's not known exactly when the double entendre began. The Los Angeles (CA) Times…
“Treat the janitor the same way you treat the CEO”
"Treat the janitor the same level of respect as the CEO" is a saying that has been printed on GIFs. The saying does not appear to have a specific origin. "He would treat the janitor…
“The best time on a clock is 6:30. Hands down”
"6:30" on an analog clock is a time when both the hour hand and the minute hand are faced down. "Hands down" means "without question." "Barack is the man, hands…
“Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets”
A popular engineering joke is: Q: What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?A: Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets. The joke has been…
“Jack and Jill work together in an office (joke)
"Lay off" is a common business term and the subject of a popular joke: "Jack and Jill were hired by a big computer corporation. They worked there for about half a year until hard…
“Whoever said white people can’t jump clearly hasn’t seen the footage from 9/11”
Jokes about the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City's World Trade Center are numerous, although not politically correct. One of the saddest scenes of the day were the people…
“A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A math and science version is: "A mathematician walks into a bar. The punchline is…
“My father walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One version -- an anti-joke -- is: "A man walked into a bar...and stayed there for the…