“Oysters have always been on my shuck-it list”
Some people have a "bucket list," but what about a "shuck-it list"? "The Hot Oyster added to the 'Shuck-it List' today is the Wallace Bay" was posted on…
“When it comes to sneaking chocolate into the movies, I have a couple Twix up my sleeve”
The Twix chocolate bar has had a few puns, such as a magician having Twix (tricks) up his sleeve. "One laugh on all of NBC's Thursday night shows: Twix up my sleeve. Ruined by being in…
“When you’re out of shape, all training is weight training”
"When you're out of shape, all training is weight training" is a saying that was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on September 12, 2017. The saying became popular on Twitter.…
“Hamburger patties are really just meatloaf cookies”
"Hamburger patties are really just meatloaf cookies" was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on September 13, 2017. The saying quickly became popular on Twitter. Reddit -- Shower…
“How can you help a starving cannibal?”/“Give them a hand.”
A popular cannibal riddle is: Q: How can you help a starving cannibal?A: Give him/them a hand. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on October 11, 2002. Google Groups:…
“What do lawyers do after they die?”/“They lie still.”
Lawyers have a reputation for stretching the truth (lying). An old joke has it that when a lawyer goes to bed, he lies on his right side and then he lies on his left side, and when he dies he lies…
“A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection…” (joke)
A pun about Fender guitars is: "A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection. 'First offender?' asks the judge. 'No,' says the woman.…
“What did the apple say to the apple pie?”/“You’ve got some crust.”
A pun on the word "crust" is: Q: What did the apple say to the apple pie?A: "You've got some crust." "Crust" means also "nerve." The food riddle has…
“Why didn’t the piglets listen to the teacher pig?”/“Because he was an old boar.”
Are teachers boring? One pun is: Q: Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher pig?A: Because he was an old boar. "Why wouldn't the piglets listen to their father? Because he was…
“How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?”/“The bow is moving.”
A riddle about a string instrument (such as a violin or a viola) is: Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?A: The bow is moving. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992.…
“What kind of musical instrument can you use for fishing?”/“The cast-a-net.”
"Castanet" (a percussion instrument) has nothing to do with fishing, but the "cast-a-net" pun was used in the New York (NY) Daily Tribune in 1850. "With what musical…
“When poison expires, does it become more poisonous or less poisonous?”
"When poison expires, does it become more poisonous or less poisonous?" is a question that has been printed on several images. Poison is bad for you, so what exactly happens when it goes…
“I tried to re-marry my ex-wife, but she figured out I was only after my money”
Some people marry for money, but there's a jocular twist to this. "I wanted to remarry my Ex-wife but she refused and she said I was only after my money" was posted on Twitter on…
“Why can’t Chinese barbecue?”/“Because the rice falls through the grill.”
A barbecue joke is: Q: Why can't Chinese barbecue?A: Because the rice falls through the grill. The joke -- sometimes regarded as offensive -- has been cited in print since at least 2007.…
“Camper: Is it easy to milk a cow? Farmer: Sure it is. Any jerk can do it.”
A joke about milking a cow is: CAMPER: Is it easy to milk a cow? FARMER: Sure it is. Any jerk can do it. The "jerk" pun has been cited in print since at least 1970. 26 June 1970, Morning…
“I used to be a member of the secret cooking society. They kicked me out for spilling the beans”
To "spill the beans" means to reveal a secret. A food pun is: "I used to be a member of the secret cooking society. They kicked me out for spilling the beans." "I got fired…
“What do you call a pig with no clothes on?”/“Streaky bacon.”
"Streaky bacon" has nothing to do with streaking, but there's a riddle: Q: What do you call a pig with no clothes on?A: Streaky bacon. The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“Scrabble is all fun and games until someone loses an ‘I’”
"Scrabble: It’s all fun and games until someone loses an ‘I’" -- a pun on "loses an eye" -- is a jocular saying about the Scrabble word game that has been printed on many…
“Friday must be a woman. It takes forever to come”
“Monday must be a man. It comes too quickly” is a jocular work saying. "Friday must be a woman. It takes forever to come" is a related saying that has been printed on several images.…
“Science built skyscrapers and airplanes, but only religion can bring the two together”
Jokes about the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City's World Trade Center are numerous, although not politically correct. One popular saying is: "Science built…