“Funeral homes are a dying business”
"Funeral homes are a dying business" is an old joke in that industry. "A dying business. -Funeral business" was published in the Australian Financial Review in July 1982.…
“It’s not fair that coffee stains your teeth brown, but milk doesn’t stain them white”
"If coffee stains your teeth yellow, does milk stain your teeth white?" was posted on Twitter on May 19, 2011. Unfortunately, drinking milk doesn't make teeth whiter. "It's…
“Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?”/“He couldn’t see himself doing it.”
A riddle about the invisible man is: Q: Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?A: He couldn't see himself doing it. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2010. Wikipedia:…
“Imagine if America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion”
The term "mass confusion" sometimes actually involves confusion about mass. "If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight, would it create mass confusion?" was posted…
“Pizza is a pie chart that updates in real time showing how much pizza you have left”
A pizza looks like a pie chart. "It's easy to figure out how much pizza is left because it's basically a pie chart" was posted on Twitter on April 15, 2012. "A pizza is a…
“What do cows get when they do all their chores?”/“Mooney.”
A cow riddle is: Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores?A: Mooney. The "mooney" (moo + money) joke has been cited in print since at least 2007. Klosi JokesCategory: Cow…
“That awkward moment when you don’t know what to do with your life when you leave the computer”
"That awkward moment when you don’t know what to do with your life when you leave the computer, so you get back on" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying…
Zoo School (Urban Assembly School for Wildlife Conservation)
The Urban Assembly School for Wildlife Conservation is a high school located at 2024 Mohegan Avenue in the Bronx. It's been called the "Zoo School" because of the school's…
“I’m in a pirate-themed band. We can’t stop writing hooks”
A pirate joke is: "I'm in a pirate-themed band. We can't stop writing hooks." The joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on September 27, 2017. Wikipedia: Captain HookCaptain…
“There is a special place in hell reserved for people that break the ‘10 items or less’ rule”
Shoppers get angry when people before them have more than 10 items in the "10 items or less" line. "Hey, bitch @ Walmart! There is a special place in HELL for people like you who get…
“I tried suing someone for stealing my basketball, but it got thrown out of court”
"I tried suing someone for stealing my basketball, but it got thrown out of court" -- a pun also on "basketball" court -- is a joke that was posted on Sickipedia and Twitter on…
“If you’re drunk at noon, you’re either living very well, or very poorly”
"If you're drunk at noon, you're either living very well, or very poorly" is a saying that was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on September 27, 2017. The saying became…
“Pie rates of Penn’s aunts” (pun)
The Pirates of Penzance; or, The Slave of Duty is a comic opera with music by Arthur Sullivan and libretto by W. S. Gilbert, opened at the Fifth Avenue Theatre in New York City on December 31,…
“You only have a gambling problem if you lose” (“It’s only a gambling problem if you’re losing”)
"It's only a gambling problem is you're losing" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "It's only a gambling problem if you lose...!" was posted on the…
“We are all feminine products”
"Not all of us are feminine products" -- probably meaning "douchebag" -- was posted on Twitter on May 7, 2011. "In one sense we are ALL feminine products....no?" was…
“Why do cows think cooks are mean?”/“They whip cream!”
A whip cream riddle is: Q: Why do cows think that cooks are mean?A: They whip cream! The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007. Klosi JokesCategory: Cow jokesDate Added: 11/10/2007Joke:…
“Pie rates of the Caribbean” (pun)
"Pie Rates of the Caribbean" -- a pun on the Pirates of the Caribbean film series -- has been printed on many images. "Pie rates of the Caribbean. Rubbish. No pies" was posted…
“Dentists are janitors for mouths”
"A dentist is just a janitor for someone's mouth" was posted on Twitter on March 29, 2016. "A dentist is just like a janitor for your mouth" was posted on Reddit -- Shower…
“It’s only a gambling addiction if you keep losing. Otherwise, it’s a high paying career”
What defines a gambling addiction? "'It's not a gambling addiction if you're winning'-Devon McGurk" was posted on Twitter on April 6, 2010. "Is it still a…
“Pie rates of Penn’s aunts” (pun)
The Pirates of Penzance; or, The Slave of Duty is a comic opera with music by Arthur Sullivan and libretto by W. S. Gilbert, opened at the Fifth Avenue Theatre in New York City on December 31,…