“What kind of headaches do wheat farmers get?”/“My grains.”
"Migraine" sounds like "my grain." "I don't get headaches, but America's heartland gives me my grains" was posted on Twitter on August 5, 2011.…
“How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?” (riddle)
A popular "lightbulb joke" about divorced men is: Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? A: Who cares? They never get the house anyway. This version was posted on…
“What’s the opposite of ladyfingers?”/“Mentos.”
A riddle about ladyfingers (a biscuit) is: Q: What's the opposite of ladyfingers?A: Mentos. The joke was posted on Twitter on October 27, 2010, but became popular when it was posted on both…
“What is a duck’s favorite dance?”/“The quackstep.”
A duck riddle is: Q: What is a duck's favorite dance?A: The quackstep. The "quackstep"/"quickstep" joke was posted on the newsgroup free.uk.btinternet.chatter.refugees on…
“I like to do drugs in a Chipotle bathroom. No one questions you if you spend 45 minutes there”
Many people assume that the people who spend a long time in bathroom stalls are doing drugs. "If you didn't spend twenty minutes in the bathroom, we wouldn't think you were doing…
“Dry pet food is basically meat cereal” (“Dog food is just meat cereal”)
Dry pet food, such as dog food, has often been described as "meat cereal." "Sometimes I catch myself eating the dog food. With a little milk it's like meat cereal" was…
“What type of magazines do cows read?”/“Cattlelogs.”
"Catalogs" sounds like "cattle-logs." "Where might you expect to find a cow's pedigree? -- In a cattle-log" was cited in an 1873 newspaper. "When cows are…
“Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first. Realists just start drinking”
"Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was…
“Millennials. Walking around like they rent the place”
"Walking around like he/she owns the place" is a saying about someone with a cocky attitude. Many millennials cannot afford to own homes and prefer to rent. A joke was posted by Spence on…
“A girl loved me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. Schwepped her off her feet”
Schweppes is a brand of beverages; a jocular verb is "Schwepped" (which sounds like "swept"). "Schwepped her off her feet" was written in the story…
“Cereal is just milk soup”
"Is Breakfast Cereal a Soup?" is a question on Debate.org (58% say "yes.") "Soup spoons make great cereal spoons. Then again, cereal is really milk soup" was posted on…
“I asked my chef friend if they ever serve steak raw. He said yeah, but it’s rare”
People sometimes ask for "raw" steak when they mean "rare." "Sometimes I like my steak raw, but that's rare" was posted on Twitter on December 12, 2012. "Few…
Melancauliflower or Melancholiflower (melancholy + cauliflower); Meloncauliflower, Meloncholiflower
Cauliflower sometimes has the jocular portmanteau words "melancauliflower" and "melancholiflower" (melancholy + cauliflower), and sometimes "meloncauliflower" and…
“Water is just cloud milk”
"Water is like snow juice. Like cloud milk" -- an interesting description of rain and snow -- was posted on Twitter on December 20, 2013. "Water is just cloud milk... think about…
“A good date ends with dinner. An awesome date ends with breakfast”
"A good date ends with dinner. A(n) awesome/excellent/great/perfect date ends with breakfast" -- meaning that the couple has spent the night together -- is a jocular saying that has been…
“I played in a snooker tournament for the emotionally unstable. I was first to break”
In the game of snooker, one player is "first to break." "Interrogating snooker players is SO easy. They're always the first to break" is a pun that was posted on Twitter on…
“It was so cold that opticians were giving away ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses”
"It was so cold...the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!" is a one-line saying about extremely cold weather that has been cited in print since…
“It was so cold that pickpockets were sticking hands in strangers’ pockets to keep them warm”
"It was so cold pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!" is a one-line saying about extremely cold weather that has been cited in print…
“I’ve reached the age where ‘Happy Hour’ is a nap”
"Happy Hour" usually refers to drinks at bars and restaurants, but there have been other definitions. "I've reached the age where 'Happy Hour' is a nap" (or…
“January is the Monday of the year”
The month of January is the first month of the year, and it has been compared to Monday, the first day of a usual work week. Both January and Monday are frequently unloved. "January is the…