“Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether”
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today" is a proverb that might be a thousand years old. The proverb has had many parodies. "Always put off until tomorrow what you can…
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“Why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?”
"Why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?" is a jocular question that has been cited in print since at least 1974, when this was printed in the Washington (DC) Post on…
“Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed”
"Any time three/four New Yorkers get into a cab/taxi without an argument, a bank has just been robbed" is a joke showing that New Yorkers argue in the back of taxis. The joke has been…
“Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’ when we are already there?”
"Take Me Out to the Ball Game" is a classic baseball song, written by Jack Norwoth and Albert Von Tilzer in 1908. "Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game' when we are…
“If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?”
"If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?" is a joke that has been included in many collections of one-line saying. "If…
“If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?”
"If you run/jog backwards, will you gain weight?" is a jocular question that has been included on many lists on one-line sayings. "If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?"…
Beeramid (beer can/bottle + pyramid)
A "beeramid" is a "beer can pyramid" (although beer bottles are sometimes used). The bottles are usually stacked empties. The term "beer can pyramid" has been cited in…
“To err is human; to forgive is against company policy”
"To err is human; to forgive, divine" was written by Alexander Pope (1688-1744) in "An Essay on Criticism" (1711). The line is famous and has many parodies. "To err is…
“If at first you don’t succeed, try left field” (baseball joke)
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is a popular American poem verse from the 1830s. The verse has many joke endings that replace "try, try again." "If at…
False Flag
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: False flagFalse flag (also known as black flag) operations are covert operations designed to deceive in such a way that the operations appear as though they are…
Punditocracy
A "punditocracy" is influence or rule (like an "aristocracy") by political pundits and pundettes. The term was used by political pundit Michael Kinsley in 1987, but was…
“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it”
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it" is a one-liner that has been attributed to Franklin P. Jones (1908-1980), a humorist who wrote many quips…
“In court, your fate is in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to escape jury duty”
Norm Crosby, a comedian, told this joke on The Tonight Show in 1978: "There's so much lunacy in the world...look at courtrooms. Where else would you place yourself in the hands of 12…
Dumbassador (dumbass + ambassador)
"Dumbassador" (dumbass + ambassador) is an unflattering term for an ambassador, used to a describe diplomat who represents a nation or a representative of an organization or cause.…
Gang of 500
ABC News published a weekday morning news summary called The Note beginning January 14, 2002. Mark Halperin founded The Note and coined the term "Gang of 500" -- politicians, lobbyists,…
“A hangover is the wrath of grapes”
"The grapes of wrath" is a lyric in "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," a hymn by Julia Ward Howe written in 1861. The Grapes of Wrath is also the title of a 1939 novel by John…
“To be successful, you have to have your heart in your business, and your business in your heart”
"To be successful, you have to have your heart in your business, and your business in your heart" is a popular business quotation credited to Thomas J. Watson, Sr. (1874-1956), an IBM…
“There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know”
"There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't/Never tell all/everything you know" (the joke is that the second rule is not given) is a popular saying about success that has been…
“Don’t sweat the small stuff”
"Don't sweat the small stuff" became a popular saying from books such as Michael R. Mantell's Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: P.S., It's All Small Stuff (1988) and…
“If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it”
"If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it" is a popular joke, meaning that the $20 (that is not paid back) is a small sum to be rid of an…