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Garfield, a comic strip created by Jim Davis, features a fat cat. In the book Garfield Eats His Heart Out (1983), Garfield gave the following diet tip: "Vegetables are a must on a diet. I…
"All you need is tea and warm socks" is a winter saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and coffee mugs. "Gives you hot tea and warm socks" was cited…
"There are two types of pain in this world: Pain that hurts you and pain that changes you" is a motivational quotation that has been printed on many posters. The saying was popularized by…
“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” is a classic saying from the early 1800s. "Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked…
"Love people, not things; use things not people" is a popular saying that has been printed on many posters. The saying has been popular in Christian teaching as an extension of the New…
"I can't work in an environment where I'm expected to do my job" is a popular ecard. The jocular saying has been cited on Twitter since October 2, 2013. TwitterMarvin EL…
"Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without" is a jocular saying that has been included in many collections of humorous…
"Opportunity knocks but once" is a proverb that dates, in various forms, to the 1500s. "Opportunity knocks only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell" is a jocular…
"What's the best place to hide a dead body?" The jocular answer is the second page of Google search results, because nobody ever goes there. "Am I the only one who realises you…
The U.S. Postal Service doesn't deliver on Sundays. NFL football games are usually played on Sundays. A popular joke asks, how is an NFL team like the postal service (or an NFL player like the…
Hungarian mathematician Alfréd Rényi (1921-1970) is credited for saying, "A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." "Programmer -- an organism that turns…
English writer Henry Sambrooke Leigh (1837-1883) wrote in "On Corpulence" (1869): If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner,And take to light claret instead of pale ale;Look down…
"WISH I'D SAID THAT: Too many Americans go in for weight-lifting with the wrong equipment -- a knife and fork" was in the "Earl's Pearl's" segment of…
A college basketball game is 40 minutes long. University of Arkansas basketball coach Nolan Richardson applied a pressure defense that he called "40 minutes of hell" (or "forty…
"Fatigue makes cowards of us all" has been popularly credited to both United States Army General George S. Patton, Jr. (1885-1945) and to Green Bay Packers football head coach Vince…
"New York's water is so hard it comes at you with a switchblade" is a joke that was probably told during New York City's high crime days of the 1970s. Early citations of the…
Romanian-born American poet and commentator Andrei Codrescu wrote in The Muse Is Always Half-Dressed in New Orleans: And Other Essays (1993): "Tourists are terrorists with cameras, while…
"Shitizen" (shit + citizen) is a term for a citizen (a non-elite member of society) who knows shit and/or is treated like shit. "I ain't drunk and I'm a good s-shitizen—…
U. S. Senator Ted Stevens (1923-2010) of Alaska said in 2006 that "the Internet...is a series of tubes." The comment was widely ridiculed in the Internet community. Cat videos are popular…
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular science bar joke is: "Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. 'I've…