Diet Texas (Oklahoma nickname)
The state of Oklahoma has been infrequently dubbed "Diet Texas" (the state of Texas on a diet). McSweeney's published on July 27, 2006: "Oklahoma isn’t the Midwest. Oklahoma…
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“The best thing about Austin is that it’s so close to Texas”
Austin is the capital of Texas. Austin residents usually vote Democratic (blue), while the rest of Texas votes Republican (red). Austin has been called the "blueberry in the tomato soup."…
“Remain calm in every situation because peace equals power”
"Remain calm in every situation because peace equals power" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on November 3, 2012 by Christian author and…
“How do you get an elephant out of the theater?”/“You can’t. It’s in his blood.”
It's often said that actors have acting in their blood. There's a joke: Q: How do you get an elephant out of the theater?A: You can't. It's in his blood. The joke has been cited…
“One son went to sea and one became vice president; neither was ever heard of again”
The office of Vice President of the United States is often a lonely one, without many official responsibilities. A joke became popular on 1896: "I believe he had two sons; one of the them was…
“News is what happens to an editor” (journalism adage)
"News is what happens to an editor" is a journalism adage of unknown authorship. What an editor finds interesting becomes the news -- at least where that editor works. "There's…
“A lot of women are turning into good drivers. If you’re a good driver, watch out for turning women”
Many jokes from the 1950s and 1960s portray women as bad drivers. A more modern joke is: "A lot of women are turning into good drivers. So, if you're a good driver, watch out for turning…
“What does a cannibal call a stoner?”/“Pot roast.”
"Pot roast" doesn't contain any marijuana ("pot"), but a popular cannibal joke is: Q: What does a cannibal call a stoner?A: Pot roast. The joke was posted on Reddit on July…
“Someone complimented my parking, leaving a note saying ‘Parking Fine’”
A popular parking joke is: "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, It said 'Parking Fine.' So that was…
“If I could walk on water, you’d say that I can’t swim” (bad press)
Jesus walking on water is recorded in three of the Gospels of the New Testament. Walking on water (a miracle) is often compared to swimming (a normal activity). A joke circulated in 1945 that…
“The great thing about Miami is that it’s so close to the United States”
Cuba is a country that is close to the United States. Miami, Florida has so many people from Latin America that it's often joked that "Miami is close to the United States." The joke…
“If I could walk on water, you’d say that I can’t swim” (bad press)
Jesus walking on water is recorded in three of the Gospels of the New Testament. Walking on water (a miracle) is often compared to swimming (a normal activity). A joke circulated in 1945 that…
“Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives”
A train pun was posted on Reddit on October 4, 2012: "Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives." The "loco motives"/"locomotives" joke has been…
“What’s the difference between a bonus and a penis?” (joke)
A popular off-color joke about an employee bonus is: Q: What's the difference between a bonus and a penis?A: Your wife will blow your bonus! The joke was posted to the newsgroup eunet.jokes on…
“University priorities: football for alumni, parking for faculty, sex for students”
Dr. Clark Kerr (1911-2003), the president of the University of California, told the new president of the University of Washington, as reported in a newspaper on November 19, 1958: ""There…
“A mugger robs a congressman” (joke)
A popular political joke has a mugger demand of a well-dressed man, "Give me your money!" The man protests, "You can't do this! I'm a U.S. Congressman!" "In that…
“If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look”
Donna Macabre tweeted on August 11, 2015: "If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look." "Donuts" is often replaced with…
“Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?”/“There was no chemistry.”
A school science joke is: Q: Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?A: There was no chemistry. The joke was posted on Twitter on September 3, 2010 and has been printed on…
“How’s the New Year going?”/“Shofar, so good.”
The shofar (ram's horn) is sounded on Rosh Hashanah (the start of the Jewish New Year) and on Yom Kippur (the end of the Jewish New Year). "Shofar" sounds like "so far,"…
“Two fermions walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A physics joke about two fermions (and the Pauli exclusion principle) is: "Two…